The Landlocked Pirate

Some Pretty Good, or At Least Not Bad, News out of KG

2010-06-27T14:31:00.002-05:00

Voter turnout for the referendum was higher than expected at about 62%, with many of those interviewed for this article seeing a yes vote (which puts in place a new constitution, keeps Otunbaeva as president until the end of 2011 and calls for parliamentary elections in 6 months) as a vote for stability.

I Guess That's One Possibility

2010-06-24T20:22:00.002-05:00

The head of the Kyrgyzstan's security services has made a statement that the Bakiev family worked with the Taliban and IMU and recruited militants from Tajikistan and Afghanistan to set in motion the events starting June 10. They apparently paid $30 million for the attacks. The director of the SNB says that he has evidence supporting these claims, but thus far has not provided any documentation.

I mean, I guess it's possible? It seems a bit contrived that the government would be able to blame both the Bakievs (while president, Bakiev certainly did not do much to ingratiate himself to religious extremists) and Islamic fundamentalists, all at the same time. So until there's some credible evidence supporting these assertions, forgive me if I give them about as much weight as the whole "the Western media did it" argument.

Ethnicity in the Conflict; Also Some Useful Background

2010-06-23T09:54:00.002-05:00

I have a post coming up on Racialicious, the very awesome blog* that covers the intersection of race and pop culture, most likely tomorrow. It's my take for a non-specialist audience on how problematic the US media discourse surrounding the violence often is, and you should check it out if so inclined. I'll post a link when it goes up.

In the meantime, here's a much fancier and smarter-sounding analysis by Madeleine Reeves, an anthropologist who knows a whole lot about ethnicity in Kyrgyzstan (thanks, E., for the link!). And here's an article that I think does a pretty good job of outlining events leading up to the initial violence on June 10 for those who would like more of an idea of the very complicated factors involved in goings on (Hint: it's not as simple as saying "ethnic hatred" or "class conflict," etc.).

*I've long thought Racialicious an awesome blog, as it covers topics dear to my heart in an interesting way. But I'll admit that I have a new appreciation for it based on how my post came about: I noted that they had brought up the conflict on their site, but linked to the truly awful Slate Explainer article. I left a comment to this effect (never having commented before) and very shortly thereafter heard from the editor asking if I would like to write something for their audience. I was pretty impressed that they both took my feedback seriously AND are willing to present something a little outside of their normal fare (though race/ethnicity in international contexts is an area of interest) to their readers, most of whom are likely not super familiar with Central Asia.

Well, OBVIOUSLY

2010-06-21T13:44:00.002-05:00

Oh, that's right, it's all the media's fault. Duh.

And, to be clear, yes, I have been complaining about coverage of KG in the American press. I think, however, that my complaints are not quite the same as those of the provisional government.

More Atrocities

2010-06-20T13:08:00.002-05:00

A friend of mine who spent a great deal more time in Central Asia than I and knows a lot more people in the sort of public expat sector (embassy, NGOs, etc., as opposed to academics like me) has been forwarding me reports from people in the region. I haven't mentioned them in previous posts because of privacy issues, which is a reason for the following vagueness, but today he shared a message from an American who has been in a position to hear eye-witness accounts.

And they are horrifying. Which is not unexpected--when you hear about x number of dead and y number of injured, it's pretty easy to assume that some of those people are being tortured and killed in imaginatively awful ways, but press reports are pretty sterile and, I think, help contribute to the distance of the whole situation to most of us here in the US.

While the descriptions of some of mind-blowing cruelty that people are showing one another are sufficiently shocking, almost more so were the reports of Kyrgyz knowing in advance to leave Osh, telling their Uzbek neighbors they were off on holiday, etc. All of this remains rumor at this point, but I really think the worst of these events is still unknown. This message also confirmed reports that aid is not getting through to those who need it--it goes through Bishkek, where instead of making it to Uzbeks in Osh it gets siphoned off in various ways, including being sold on the black market.

For Your Consideration

2010-06-19T01:41:00.003-05:00

I've recommended The Registan in posts below, but there are two posts up over there that I highly recommend, though each for different reasons (and the first is more likely to be of interest to anyone reading about it here), both by Sarah Kendzior.*

Crisis in Kyrgyzstan: How You Can Help

This is a collection of places accepting donations that have been verified to one degree or another as reliable places to send donations, so if you can, click on the link and donate to one of the agencies listed there.

The other is a really interesting post looking at why so many were taken by surprise by events of the past week:
Why Didn’t We See It Coming?

I recommend checking out both the post and the comments for an interesting discussion. There are a bunch of other posts up over there with interesting premises and back and forth in the comments (in which I haven't participated).

*Side note: I met Sarah, the author of these posts, at a dissertation development workshop at which I had no business participating, given the eventual focus of my dissertation. Sadly, we did not realize our shared fondness for all things ANTM until after the workshop was passed, leaving us with an unrealized opportunity to work on our signature walks and practice our smizing together.

Support the Kyrgyz-Uzbek Peace Initiative

2010-06-18T18:33:00.003-05:00

I know that some of you are looking for ways to help with the ongoing crisis in Kyrgyzstan. Unfortunately, there are already reports of aid shipments going astray and not going to those most in need. In a situation in which already very active criminal organizations are taking full advantage of chaos (which they may have instigated--I think it will be a long time, if ever, before we know who coordinated the original attacks), the government has been unable to adequately address the crisis, and attacks are ongoing, the problem of directing one's humanitarian impulses is a real one. I'm still sticking with the idea of the ICRC as one of the best bets for monetary donations, simply because they are a well-known organization which can be held accountable with a history of work in the region.

I'm posting this to point people's attention to the Kyrgyz-Uzbek Peace Initiative, an group who describe themselves thus:

"We are a group of Kyrgyz and Uzbek professionals living in Washington, DC, whose families and friends are affected by the tragic events in the Southern Kyrgyzstan or who are just simply not indifferent to sufferings of fellow humans.

We realize that unless decisive and fast actions are taken by each of us a humanitarian catastrophe of a huge scale can unfold in Kyrgyzstan and neighboring countries. We appeal for your help!"

The website I linked to above (the group also has a Facebook page) has information on the crisis and a variety of ways to help, including tips on how to write to legislators and officials and information on how to make both monetary and in-kind donations.

I'll be bringing it up when it's a bit closer, but the group has already scheduled a day of mourning for the victims for July 11. I know that it's hard for many of us to donate in any concrete way, but this day of fasting and remembering those whose lives have been affected is one way to focus attention on what is going to be a crisis for a long time to come. Though, let's be honest, if you do have $5 or $10 or $20 or some old clothes to give, that will probably go a bit further in getting a refugee some food and clothing and medical care and a place to live.

I spent a bit of time chatting with my dear and very wise friend E, who has made many an appearance in these pages before (for those of you who know me personally and have been reading this blog for a long time--there have been visitors recently from the places I've been posting about the tragedy--welcome!). E is Kyrgyz and from Osh (though not currently in Kyrgyzstan), and reported from family that no, the violence does not seem to have abated. She also spoke about family members--people whom I don't know well, but who have been truly warm and welcoming and thoroughly gracious to me in the past--and how intolerance is hardening as atrocities continue, order remains elusive, and rumors fly. She made some excellent and troubling points about the future: how do Kyrgyz and Uzbeks move forward after something like this? When killing and raping and burning and looting and all the worst types of behavior you can imagine were started so easily and spread so quickly, how do you go back to what came before? There have been beautiful stories of people helping one another regardless of ethnicity, and perhaps those will come to dominate in the future, but right now they seem to be a sad minority. All of these questions of continued co-existence are heightened by a government that is unstable and ineffective at best, and possibly indirectly contributing to the violence (considering the role or lack thereof of law enforcement, for example).

E also expressed a feeling that the phrase "ethnic violence" is one that allows Americans and other outsiders to distance ourselves from what is going on. It's a phrase we've heard so many times before, one that carries with it whispers of primordial savagery and inscrutable Otherness, that it may make it easier for us to think of events in KG, to the extent we think of them at all, as a far away problem happening to people very different from us who were doomed to something like this because of ancient hatreds. Somewhere, it seems, some ethnic group is always killing some other ethnic group, and there is a sense of unreality to it all. (Full disclosure: this topic came up at my instigation, as I pulled together a brief essay on ethnicity and media coverage of the crisis at the invitation of an editor of another blog, one actually read by lots of people. I'm not sure if or when it will get published and if it does not I'll put it up here anyway, so as not to deny you all my oh-so-brilliant insights).

I guess my point here is: pay attention. Do something, even though there isn't really much meaningful that any of us as Americans in America can do at this point. Do it anyway. Because it matters that people notice, and care, and feel terrible that this is going on, and try to contribute to circumstances that will stop it and then keep it from happening again. And yes, I'm fully aware that I'm so invested in this particular crisis because it's happening in a place I care about, very likely to people I care about, at least in the caring that evolves in any research situation between the researcher and her participants. And you probably don't have the connection I do, so violence in KG doesn't affect you any more than any of the horrible violence going on in innumerable locations worldwide. I'm trying to long-windedly argue that, well, human nature or no, you SHOULD care, just as I should care more about all those places about which I don't care enough about.

I'm tired and I'm babbling. My ultimate point? These posts aren't going to stop, I'm not going to stop bringing it up in conversation, or asking for money or anything else you can give. So really, you should go check out the Kyrgyz-Uzbek Peace Initiative because it will get me off your back and they all have some practical suggestions for things to do, rather than whatever it is I'm doing here.

Today in Upsetting News from Kyrgyzstan

2010-06-17T22:59:00.003-05:00

There are estimates of up to 400,000 displaced persons. Just to put that in context, that is close to 8% of the entire population. And if all were Uzbeks (which of course is not the case; it's not a simple story of all the Kyrgyz ganging up on all the Uzbeks or anything close to that), that would be over half the Uzbek population.

So, so sad. Neweurasia has some posts from locals highlighting the mutual assistance between ethnic groups as a counterpoint to the truly horrifying details emerging (the cherry on top of the oh-so-delicous sundae of mega-violence that is this whole heart-rending story), but those glimmers of humanity really fail to lighten the overall picture.

Some Visuals

2010-06-17T00:39:00.002-05:00

Just to give an idea what the scene at the border is like. The border is overrun, babies are being passed around in chaos . . . this film is apparently from June 15, and one hopes the situation is getting better, but make no mistake: this is a humanitarian crisis.

I'm not posting more graphic videos as I understand that many don't want to see them,without warning, perhaps over their morning coffee, but they're out there, and they are upsetting.

Remember, you can donate to the ICRC to help relief efforts here.

Very Interesting, Also Kind of Totally Freaky When You Think About It

2010-06-15T18:01:00.002-05:00

The UN has confirmed, based on analysis of eye-witness accounts, that the origins of the conflict were with five coordinated attacks (see here). So this did NOT start out as an ethnic dispute, though, as I hypothesized earlier, pre-existing tension is certainly contributing to the continuation of the crisis. But yes, paranoid and crazy conspiracy theory-like as it seems, someone or some groups thought this through and WANTED THIS TO HAPPEN. No points going to humanity for this one.

There are still loads of competing guesses as to who is responsible and why, and the confirmation of the provacateur theory does not absolve anyone involved in killing, burning, looting, etc. from blame, but I do hope that this at least cuts down on the overly-simplistic American MSM narratives of "Oh! Look at those savages with their ancient ethnic hatreds that are just too deep to ever be understood or overcome!" or, alternatively, "Nothing matters but money!"

Donate If You Can

2010-06-15T14:12:00.002-05:00

Hey folks,

I know it's hard to figure out how to help in a crisis as large and far away as this one is, especially with reliable information being so hard to get. I think, as with most large-scale disasters far away, the best Americans can do is try to fund efforts that experts are spearheading.

Here's the page for the International Committee of the Red Cross. If you donate to their Tashkent regional efforts, the money will be directed toward dealing with the humanitarian crisis in southern Kyrgyzstan and border areas in Uzbekistan.

The Red Cross has around 80,000 refugees at the Uzbek borders, which have been overwhelmed. Dysentery is appearing in camps. Some of the injured are scared to seek treatment. This is a humanitarian crisis that will not be going away anytime soon.

I know it's a hard time for everyone, and I know that Kyrgyzstan is a small country very far away, making it hard to give up one's hard-earned and needed money. I'm sure I wouldn't care quite so much if I hadn't walked and worked in these places, eaten in homes that have now likely been deserted and burned, cared for and been cared for by people caught up in this chaos. But please, please, help anyway you can.

Love

Information Resources

2010-06-15T12:40:00.002-05:00

For anyone trying to follow along with what is going on in southern Kyrgyzstan, I've compiled a list of the more trustworthy English language sources, in response to frustration with what the mainstream press is reporting.

Slate had an Explainer article that may have had more pieces of misinformation than actual words.

Foreign Policy started off right by implying that there are more Russians than Uzbeks in Kyrgyzstan. Once you get a basic, easily checked fact like that wrong, it's hard to trust the rest of what you have to say.

The NYT isn't doing too horribly, but they suffer from the problem of trying to fit a complex narrative into easy bullet points.

Basically, if you read anything that says "ethnic hatred!" or "it's all about class!" or "provacateurs did it! Innocent Kyrgyzstanis would never do such things!" it's probably way too simplistic. So if you're trying to get an idea of the situation, about which little is still known, here are some starting points:

Eurasianet archives: Here's the link to their page of articles on the unrest.

Radio Free Europe/Radio Liberty also has a good backlog of articles as well as current coverage.

NewEurasia gets a lot of locals in on the reporting action.

And Registan is one of the best blogs covering Central Asia out there.

And for those wanting to help in a humanitarian sense, the best place to check thus far is probably the Facebook page Stop the Violence in
Kyrgyzstan! with suggestions for writing to senators, organizing aid, etc

There are other sources out there--leave ideas in the comments!

On Assigning Blame and Absolving of Guilt

2010-06-14T10:15:00.002-05:00

Here's a great post from Registan.net on the knee-jerk reactions that the present conflict must be orchestrated by someone else. Like everything else about the current conflict, opinions have to be contingent because information is so scarce and slippery.

My take, again, is that there is no master manipulator, but I would bet interested parties are taking full advantage of what is going on and are encouraging, even if not actively aiding, those perpetrating the violence. But not matter what, it's those who are pillaging, burning, killing, looting and so on who are to blame: ordinary citizens of Kyrgyzstan are doing this and are ultimately responsible for their own actions, and it makes me sick.

Some History and Some Context

2010-06-14T08:16:00.001-05:00

So this is a brief, hopefully at least semi-coherent summary of what is going on in the south of Kyrgyzstan right now. I'm taking my information from what media is available, blog posts, and reports passed through acquaintances. Official reports tend to be not worth a tremendous amount in times like these in settings like KG, hence the reliance on fourth-hand reports. I'm trying to be succinct and informative for an audience who mostly doesn't spend a lot of time working on stuff in Central Asia, so I'll leave out links and citations (much is in Russian; much more is in Kyrgyz, but that stuff is hard for me). If you want more information, however, I'll be happy to oblige. I also welcome comments and corrections from anyone who comes across this and would like to amend, elaborate, or provide a different perspective.

From what I can tell, things have been tense in the South since the change in government on April 7. Bakiev, the ousted president, is from the South, and he held out in his home village for a time, sparking fears of continued unrest and a possible Civil War similar to the war in Tajikistan in the mid-90s. Most observers were pleased when he resigned and fled to sanctuary in Belarus, although members of his family remain, and there have been (alleged?) taped recordings among his relatives and cronies regarding the possibility of regaining power.

In mid-May unrest burst to the surface in regional southern governments, as pro-Bakiev forces, mainly young men (likely unemployed, possibly from among those who have lost their jobs in Russia that were contributing largely to the Kyrgyz economy and the loss of which has been yet another way in which the world economic crisis has been affecting Kyrgyzstan), briefly took over government ministries and installed new regional governors. These lasted all of a day; order was quickly resolved.

Before I get to what is going on this week, a digression on ethnic tension in Kyrgyzstan. Under the Soviet Union, Russians were kind of the supreme ethnicity, and since independence there has been much push-back against this. Opposition political parties often hold all speeches in Kyrgyz, etc. Symbols of nationalism are explicitly and implicitly tied to symbols of Kyrgyz ethnicity. The word for “citizen of Kyrgyzstan” is never used in normal speech; rather the speaker identifies herself and others by their ethnicity. And people are quick to ascribe characteristics and behaviors to people based on those ethnicities. This would be a problem anywhere, but is particularly so in Kyrgyzstan given the extreme heterogeneity of the population. There are over 80 different ethnic groups represented in a population of about 5.25 million. The majority are Kyrgyz, but that still amounts to less than 2/3 of the population. Uzbeks comprise approximately 16% of the population, largely in the south, and Russians are somewhere around 10-12%, mostly in Bishkek and northern areas. Tension between Kyrgyz and Uzbek is of long-standing, and some sources even claim that that the Soviet Union encouraged these tensions. Uzbeks have a reputation for being more successful in commercial endeavors, which some Kyrgyz resent. There were violent outbreaks shortly before the fall of the SU, in 1990, but since then things have been mostly calm.

Right now, Osh has been largely destroyed. At least 100 are dead and 1000 injured, and those numbers are likely to grow exponentially as better information is gathered and disseminated. Uzbek homes and buildings have been burned and razed. First-person reports have told of empty streets, filled only with cars carrying groups of Kyrgyz young men, often drunk, and often armed. Violence has moved on to Jalal-Abad.

Many have tried to flee—from one ethnic Russian citizen of Osh observing that it is women, children, and the elderly fleeing, while men remain behind to try to defend their property. Initially, Uzbekistan was not allowing refugees in, but that has changed. There are reports that at one border crossing a stampede left up to dozens dead, including children. The UN thus far has done nothing to intervene. The Otunbaeva interim government seems completely powerless. They have called on Russia for help, but Russia has thus far declined to send in troops. If Russia does get a military hold in the country, that raises all kinds of concerns for the future of an independent Kyrgyzstan. This is all happening just prior to the scheduled June 27th referendum on the new Constitution, which was seen by many as a vote on confidence in the provisional government. There are rumors that Bakievites have had some role in the violence, whether inciting, arming, or some other provocation, but at the moment all this is is rumor.

International observers, like me, have been shocked at how quickly the situation flared up into such shocking violence. I'm well aware of the history and the ongoing ethnic tensions, but I've also done work in areas from which people are fleeing and had people talk about the harmony in which people of different ethnic groups are able to live with their neighbors. There is a very high level of inter-marriage; many families do not neatly fall into one ethnic group. It's distressing to think that the mainstream media is likely to try to report on this the way they reported on the Balkans—talking about ancient ethnic strife that the West just can't understand, as if Kyrgyzstanis are somehow other. Right now, my best guess for what is going on is terrible economic conditions, political instability and fear, taking on the ugliest possible face and allowing all these prejudices to come out and play in, thus far, consequence free (for the perpetrators) ways. It is a terrible black spot on any new government Kyrgyzstan can try to pull together. Citizens are desperately fleeing to one of the most repressive regimes in the world to escape their fellow countrymen—it's not the new country those hopeful after April 7 were looking for.

Like I said, please leave comments, questions, etc. I'll do my best to follow up on anything and can certainly provide a more researched take on these issues if it will help anyone. I want to do my part to let the world know what is going on in KG, as standing silently by can only help the chaos continue.

More on Kyrgyzstan

2010-06-14T00:26:00.002-05:00

WEll, More will be coming in the morning. I'm going to keep analyzing the news until the country gets it together. Take that as a threat, KG: stop with the killing, firing, and making people flee, because not only are you murdering people, destroying their homes, and running them out of their country, you are dooming the world (or at least those few people who never got rid of the feed) to my deep thoughts on revolution, violence, and the "ethnic question" in a context of crazy economic uncertainty and political upheaval.

This will be continue Monday morning. Unless Kyrgyzstan learns to behave itself first.

Please read, comment, and send notes telling me what you want me to write on and at what level of specificity. It's very easy for me to skip 5 steps in the middle that would make a story make sense, because my lived experience makes it harder to narrativize those parts. But I will do my best. So please care, and let's go on an interactive journey together!

Revolution 2010: A Summary of Actual Events in KG

2010-04-10T17:32:00.004-05:00

So yesterday I provided my personal perspective on the events leading up to this week's revolutionary activities in Kyrgyzstan. A couple of you found it useful, so I'm going to continue with a summary of the main events of the past few days, as I understand them. Just to be clear, my account is totally NOT definitive. This is just a synthesis of information I've picked up from sights like neweurasia.net, fergana.ru, diesel.elcat.kg, 24.kg, and Facebook posts from those in the country and other observers. For a good summary of information and causes, there is an article on Salon. The New Republic also does a decent, and shorter summary. The article from someone associated with Soros in the Daily Beast was an absurd bit of propaganda and encapsulates much of what drives me crazy about press coverage of Central Asia.

Apparently there have been some protests gathering steam in Naryn Oblast, a northern, central province, since March. On April 6, in Talas, another northern province, after what seems to be police provocation till-then peaceful protesters turned out in greater numbers and eventually took over a government building and established a new provincial government (there seems to have been some back and forth with security forces retaking the building before being driven out again). A Bakiev government official was badly beaten, with initial reports claiming death, but he appears to have survived, although I saw a picture that is shocking and horrifying.

In Bishkek, the government began rounding up and arresting opposition leaders. In response, protesters began gathering and heading toward the main square and the presidential residence. It sounds like police responded immediately with tear gas, truncheons, and eventually began firing live bullets on the crowd. There are conflicting reports, but it seems that protesters were not armed until they began to fight back. Security forces were unprepared for the number and anger of protesters and began to be overwhelmed, allowing certain of the protesters to acquire their guns. I have my own suspicions over whether EVERY weapon in play was acquired in this way, but there's really no way for me to tell.

Things then descended pretty much into chaos. My best guess is that the government was absolutely shocked by people actually fighting back. Despair and anger had simply reached such a point that the destruction of the Bakiev regime became the end in itself. It doesn't seem that most of the protesters were united under opposition leadership, or that there was some kind of organized goal. People are ANGRY and there were no legitimate avenues to air grievances or push for change. This makes the interim government's position super shaky--there are all kinds of groups and interests represented in the coalition currently in charge of the country, and who knows who is going to come out on top. There is certainly the possibility of a change for the better and in the direction of transparency and democracy, and Roza Otunbaeva, the head of the interim government, certainly has put in the time working for these goals. However, she's also got little support in KG and part of the reason she's in charge right now of an unelected government is that she hasn't got a chance in hell as things stand of winning an election in six months or ever. So it's good that an unelected government seems to be ruling by coalition for the moment, but it also opens up the possibility of a power vacuum that could be problematic because . . .

While Bakiev fled almost immediately, he didn't follow in previously deposed President Akayev's footsteps and flee to Russia. Instead he holed up in the South, Jalalabad Oblast, likely moving around a bit. He seems to be with his brothers and son, who all had positions within his government that they used to facilitate being super, super shady. I used to live not far from a nightclub that Maksim Bakiev owned. I would say that as much as people (northerners) hate Kurmanbek Bakiev, they hate Maksim a whole lot more. There is a chance that Bakiev is trying to urge supporters to his cause, but my gut and what I've read think that the chance of people taking up arms against the new government is small. There has been some back and forth haggling, with personal safety being guaranteed to Bakiev in return for surrender. He was holding out for immunity for himself and his family, which seems super unlikely. But if the interim government can get a hold of the country and maintain control, it is likely that he will have to resign. The real trouble could come if competing elements within the coalition government allow for greater collapse and anger in the south causes people to rally to Bakiev's side. It's kind of a waiting game, although it's really hard to imagine Russia, the US, and even China allowing Kyrgyzstan to fall into any kind of armed civil conflict, even if the worst case scenario within Kyrgyzstan were to take place.

As far as I can tell, the way things stand now is in exhausted calm. There was crazy ass looting in Bishkek, and believe me, seeing one's old stomping grounds burned, looted, destroyed and with bloody protesters piling up is an uncomfortable sensation. The provisional government did give permission to police to shoot looters (looters seem to have been suspiciously organized to have been regular citizens taking advantage of lawlessness and free booze on the shelves) and initially organized citizens to defend property. The citizen guards have been told to stand down and people have been told it is safe to return to the streets. Memorials and funerals were held for some of the slain: the toll seems to stand at 77 dead and over 500 injured in Bishkek. I heard that Peace Corps had gathered volunteers in secret and secure locations and that Embassy staff were moved to Manas Air Base, but private citizens were on their own and doing fine. No one is getting in or out of the country. First acts of the new government were to nullify the constitution (mainly because of the provision granting immunity to prosecution to the president).

Overall there has been a large amount of information available to the interested public, although a lot of sifting is required and lots of rumors were swirling about, especially earlier in the conflict. Hopefully with calm will come real peace, and actual progress forward can be made. I'm still trying to get in touch with some of my nearest and dearest in the country who are not tied in to social networking and new media like Westerners and many young people. I'm hoping that since things are calm, phone calls tonight will get through. I'm not seriously worried about the physical safety of those I know best, but it turns out that when there's an armed uprising that topples a government in a country you know and love, it's easy to worry about people living through it.

I'm sure this is all very muddled. If you have any questions, please post in the comments, and I'll try to answer or direct you to a source better able to answer. Please keep Kyrgyzstan in your thoughts even as other world events take precedence: much of the main stream media coverage has focused almost exclusively on how events affect the US air base used as a staging ground for transport to Afghanistan, but as distant as they seem, we're talking about real people in desperate situations who only want the best for themselves, their family and their country. There is a new group on Facebook dedicated to helping rebuild; as soon as I can figure out who or what is doing any sort of effecting aid I'll be coming around asking for anything that people can give to help. But it will take time before any sort of legitimate efforts can be made. Time that people in Kyrgyzstan have plenty of, because believe me, things aren't going to get better overnight.

Back from Retirement in Honor of Revolution

2010-04-09T15:23:00.002-05:00

As per PD's request, I'm going to write a short summary here of what is going on in Kyrgyzstan to try to explain the situation to those unfamiliar with Central Asia. I'm definitely not the expert on these events--I'm a reasonably aware person who has lived in and loves Kyrgyzstan, but I stay far away from politics as a general thing. My work has to do with health and gender and inequality, and of course policy and politics plays a role, but I never ask explicit questions about particular politicians or parties, as the information I am gathering is sensitive enough on its own without adding another layer of unease for any respondents. That being said, I can't tell you the number of respondents who brought up wages and poverty in our discussions of their health and health care, and it is impossible to travel within Kyrgyzstan for very long and not realize how close to the edge most people are. So here's my non-expert explanation of current events, with some background info thrown in:

In 2005 the so-called Tulip Revolution, a mostly (but not entirely) non-violent uprising that started in the South of Kyrgyzstan eventually swept the then-president Akayev (who had held office since independence in 1991) into exile and Kurmanbek Bakiyev into the office. Akayev was a northerner and Bakiyev has his power base in the south. There are major regional differences in Kyrgyzstan: the north is richer, more industrialized, with a different ethnic make-up and cultural and social norms than the south. This is a truism but one that is absolutely born out by work in the country. Knowing this, I divided my research last year into four main sites: northern urban, northern rural, southern urban, and southern rural. Some of you may recall that in my southern rural site (Aravan raion) few respondents even spoke Kyrgyz, as most of them were ethnically and linguistically Uzbek. This is also the area where I could not meet with young(ish) men for reasons of cultural appropriateness. So where those in power come from and where unrest started and continues are among the most crucial elements to understand in the current situation.

During my most recent tenure in Kyrgyzstan, lots of complaints could be heard about Bakiyev and his administration in Bishkek and other northern areas. In Osh and southern regions, however, his popularity was huge. Many people, totally unprompted, praised his name to me and gave him credit for local improvements (this includes my time in the town in Jalalabad Oblast, Kochkor-ata where I stayed with a family that took me in this past year and where I spent time in the sanatorium). It is generally considered, however, that the Bakiyev administration was at least as corrupt as that of Akayev, with power and money flowing to those in Bakiyev's family and those connected to him through family and geographic ties. The opposition, however, always seemed very disorganized and the general population pretty politically apathetic. I think that once you have a revolution and nothing changes, it's pretty easy not to get too jazzed to go vote. Scheduled rallies had small turn outs, and there was no viable candidate in opposition to Bakiyev during the presidential elections this summer. I didn't try too hard, but I asked among local friends and couldn't find anyone who was going to go vote so I could tag along.

This January, shortly after I left, utility prices increased a huge amount, around 200%. The government was actually losing money on utilities, which were heavily subsidized, and needed improvements had to be funded somehow. However, the way utilities are set up in Kyrgyzstan, an individual doesn't have any control over how much he or she uses. Heat, for example, is turned on and off and set at a level by the city, and you have to pay if you live in a building. My utilities, total, usually ran me about $15 per month. So if you triple that, you get maybe $45 per month for heat, water, electricity and so on. It sounds entirely reasonable to American years. But $45 per month is approximately what a nurse working in a city makes per month. There is absolutely no human way possible to exist on current salaries, pay for utilities, and have any money left over for food (granted, there is a lot about reported vs. actual income that I could go into, but it's long and boring and not particularly germane. The point is, the average person in Kyrgyzstan is POOR, and raising prices on heat in the winter in a freezing mountainous country is not going to go over well).

Every year since 2005, in April there are marches to commemorate the 2005 Tulip Revolution. These are mostly symbolic and poorly attended. This year, from what people are saying thus far, widespread disgust with a government that only takes what it can from its people to enrich itself along with anger over inflation and rising prices came together to inspire mass demonstrations, the protests and clashes we have seen, and the eventual fleeing of Bakiyev to somewhere in the south, the interim government of Roza Otunbaeva, and scores dead and hundreds wounded.

Obviously, that last paragraph has a ton on stuff to unpack, and I'm willing to summarize what I know of what has been going on since disturbances started April 6 in Talas, but I'm going to wait and see if this is helpful to anyone and if I should continue before I write any more. Posting to Facebook!

Winding Down

2009-12-27T04:11:00.002-06:00

I think I have some closing posts to make, maybe some questions I've left answered, and stuff I'll add in the New Year, before shutting this puppy down. I'm in the states uninterrupted for at least a year and a half, at least at things are planned now, and I doubt you really want to read all about living in TX, trying to write a dissertation, and look for a job. Without the whole potential excitement of international travel thing (not that I ever delivered on the excitement, but the potential was there).

So let me know if there is anything you'd like to hear more about before I shut it down. MP, I owe you a post on body perceptions in KG. Anyone else with the requests?

And happy holidays, my lovelies!

Dear Lord, WHY Do I have So Much CRAP??!!

2009-12-16T05:28:00.003-06:00

Seriously, why? I feel like I'm locked in a logic puzzle with no answer: you have two checked bags up to 23 kg one 10 kg carry on and a personal item. Fit everything in the universe that you don't even need without going over, or have airline personnel make you cry and then throw out your crap anyway. I am NOT paying $50 to $150 dollars to bring this stuff home. I just can't decide what to get rid of.

But seriously, I think I have a problem. I'm near tears thinking of the two storage lockers of stuff I have waiting for me at home. Who needs so much stuff? Why don't I get rid of it? How can someone as permanently broke as I am have so much stuff?

I think the lesson of this, my friends and family, is to not give me anything. Ever. I'm not responsible enough to handle gifts. I think I might be a hoarder in training. I think there's a TV show about people like me. Please don't make me go on it. Please steal all my stuff and burn it before it gets that far.

Oh, and the sibling getting a gift from me can count him or herself lucky that I'm not giving anything made of felt. Just not enough room for the extravagant Kyrgyz memento I had in mind.

Nearly Final Thoughts

2009-12-15T05:02:00.003-06:00

Here's the text of an email I just sent to my parents. They'll probably read it here first, anyway. It adequately sums up how I'm feeling at the moment (totally crazed) and doesn't require additional effort from me, so I can get pack to figuring out how I can turn 30 kg into 22 through willpower and magic. If you have suggestions, let me know.

The email:

Can you just let me know for sure that you have my info and know how
to find me on Thursday? I won't have a phone, but should be at the
baggage claim area for my Aeroflot flight from Moscow by 4:30 at the
latest, barring any delays (that's giving myself an hour to get off
the plane and through customs). If I don't see you I will just sit and
wait until you find me or another family adopts the poor orphaned
stray.

Remember almost 10 years ago when you picked me up from my first
living abroad experience? It was probably JFK and not Dulles, but I
was broke and exhausted, and that's how I'm coming home this time,
too. If we stop for hamburgers, sorry, but you're buying (I'm having a
conflict with my landlady about the fact that she is estimating twice
what I think I owe for utilities. I broke their lamp, so I'm probably
going to let them cheat me, which takes care of every last bit of
cash. If I'm overweight on baggage I'm in a LOT of trouble at the
airport). At least this time I won't be hungover and super skinny.
Actually, the super skinny wouldn't be all bad, but I think those days
are behind me.

Tonight I'm packing and a friend is coming to pick up the clothes and
kitchen stuff I am donating to a local DV shelter, then I study for my
exam. Tomorrow I desperately try to find a box (who knew it would be
so hard? I didn't. I should have) to send stuff to myself, have a
lunch with a friend, take my final, buy some souvenirs, meet my RA for
the last time (she is all of a sudden moving to Dubai in two weeks, so
things are kind of crazy on that front, too), re-pack, clean, have
another friend over to order pizza and have her laugh at me while I
prove, once again, how terrible I am at the whole "travel" part of
being a traveler. People keep giving me stuff, which isn't helping.
Last night my RA's family had me out to their place for dinner and to
see the person they've heard all about, and of course I came home
loaded with goodies that I can't take into the US and can't pack even
if I could.

See you soon! If you forget, I'm the really pale tired and bloated
looking one with the reddish hair that everyone assures me has turned
brown with age. I'll be wearing glasses and a red coat. Can't miss me,
although I'll be less conspicuous than I have for the past year. Can't
just say "red headed and foreign looking" as a description anymore.

Some Random Work Pics

2009-12-12T12:36:00.003-06:00

This is Going to End Well

2009-12-12T06:09:00.002-06:00

I'm really, really tired. I'm supposed to be getting a final lesson on the making of plov right now, but I've re-scheduled for tomorrow night. I actually have a bit of a break this weekend, which is kind of a mistake. I slept 14 hours last night, woke up four hours ago, and want to go back to bed.

As you all know from my constant complaining, I have health problems that really affect my energy levels. So I'm always tired. But when I really have to, I can generally do whatever I need to do with a cocktail of pain-killers, sleeping pills, caffeine, and sheer stubbornness. I'm out of pain-killers, but other wise going strong these past few weeks. And given my incredible immune system, outstanding overall health level, and general luck and ability to avoid disasters, I have a feeling that running all over the country getting wet and cold and then hanging out in unheated health clinics with lots of people with the flu and TB and stuff is going to end really, really well for me. I've already requested a library trip from my Dad to pick me up trashy historical fiction (I especially love me a good costume drama/mystery hybrid) and warned my parents that I plan on sleeping for about a week when I get back to their house next Thursday.

Um, but things are going well. Yesterday was more interviews and Kyrgyz class. Most of the very important expert types I'm interviewing in Bishkek don't want to be recorded (whereas most people who don't get interviewed as often give me their full names and biographical details even after I've promised confidentiality and that I will not reveal their identities to anyone), but the ones who agree to recording tend to just go all out, naming names and making their dissatisfactions clear. I think that pretty much no one really believes in this idea of confidentiality, so people are basically speaking on or off the record. I had a crazy awesome conversation with someone yesterday who basically went through people in various positions having to do with my topic and told me why they are inadequate. She is not a lady who is afraid of any consequences of her words.

I should have spent today at the National Library, but I didn't. The plan is to see if it's open tomorrow, and then to go to TsUM to pick up enough Russian music and videos to get me through however many years before I leave for foreign shores again, and then go make plov. Monday I have only one interview scheduled so far, but that could change at any moment (I had to run out of a cafe having just gotten my cappuccino the other day, because I finally got through to someone I've been calling and calling and she told me to come in RIGHT THEN), and I have my last Kyrgyz class before my exam, and I'm having tea with my RA's aunt, and then Tuesday all day in Panfilovka, and then Wednesday final and packing and who knows what and probably a last day in the library and then Thursday at 4 AM I leave for the airport. I still can't get anyone at the Russian Embassy to pick up the phone and confirm that I'm good on the visa (you don't need a transit visa if you are going to be there for under 24 hours and not leave the international terminal of the airport, but I fear visa officials nonetheless, and would not be shocked if my outgoing flight were switched to a different airport, meaning that I could not get it. I mean, it's not likely, but it's the FSU. Stuff happens.), but I should be fine, and after a mere 25 or 26 hours transit time, I'll be back on US soil.

Which I'm really excited about. Obviously, I can't wait to see my family and friends. Despite the wonders of email and Facebook and whatever, I feel really disconnected from the lives of most people at home, because unless you're my parents and have called me at least once a week for the past 14 months, I am just not as up on your life as I would be if I were at home. I'm super excited to go to a grocery store, although the memory of the variety contained therein is actually freaking me out, so I can't even decide what kind of food I would like to have in the house. But it will be a big adjustment to settle back into life in TX, and it's a little scary despite being exciting. And I'm a little sad that I will no longer be living the exciting expat life--I have no idea when next I'll be taking off for potential adventures. I mean, I don't actually do anything, and am probably the most boring traveler to ever get a stamp in her passport, but for the past 14 months, there has at least been the potential for crazy foreign adventures, a potential that is ending.

So, yes, very tired, a little emotional, kind of stressed, excited, nervous, and overall just feeling kind of weird. So I'm coping by taking today to do nothing but eat bad local cookies, dance around to mixes created by iTunes, and catch up on Glee watching. I should be catching up on notes and work (I'm missing a grant application deadline and have basically decided to TA next year instead of applying for grants, which is a decision I'll probably regret when my paychecks stop coming in May), but I'm too tired to care right now.

Rookie Mistake

2009-12-10T06:47:00.003-06:00

So, um, apparently it's illegal to interview a government official without special permission from the Ministry of Interior Affairs. Oops.

Well, I'm not in jail and no one has arrived to deport me, so I think I'm OK. I'm glad this is Kyrgyzstan and not any number of other countries I can think of. Maybe I'll check up on the legal code next time I'm doing research.

One Week Left

2009-12-09T08:04:00.002-06:00

I can't believe that in 8 days I'll be back on US soil. So much to do before then. I need another month. Do you think they'll reschedule Christmas, my parents' anniversary, and the end date of my visa in order for that to happen? Probably not, so I guess I should be glad I just have to keep up this pace for another week.

Getting stuff done in KG is very different than in the US. For example, scheduling. No one likes to do so in advance. So you call for an interview, and they tell you to call back on such and such a day to see if they'll be free, and then they ask you to come in RIGHT NOW and you're on a minibus on the way to a village near the Kazakh border.

Today I almost throttled my RA when she was half an hour late meeting me at the station for the bus to Chaldovar, which is at an entirely different station than the buses to Kara Balta, despite the fact that the bus to Chaldovar goes THROUGH Kara Balta. There's basically one road west, and every place I have to go is somewhere on this road. So I was standing in the snow at 7:30 AM and watched two buses leave while my feet froze. The bus we eventually got on had no heat, and then just randomly stopped for a while, so by the time we got to the clinic where they were expecting us, which should have been a two hour trip, it was 10:30, I was losing all sensation in both feet, and the doctor was on her way out the door to a meeting somewhere. We did get to talk to a bunch of nurses. They didn't want to be recorded, which makes my job much harder because I only have notes and not transcripts to rely on, but boy did they let loose. Their attitude was basically "Family medicine sucks. Good if people aren't going to fund us any longer, because all we get is more work, not enough money, and maybe they'll go back to the old way" (They won't. There's no money for the old way).

Tomorrow I was supposed to go to a meeting of the heads of the Village Health Committees in Panfilovka, then rush back to Bishkek for a meeting at 2 with the Director of FOMS, which is sort of semi-analagous to Medicaid. Sort of. But she called and asked to switch to Friday at 10, so now it's the head of the cardiology institute, and I can't make it to Panfilovka at all, because another department head at MinZdrav wanted to meet today, but agreed to tomorrow at 10 instead. So my poor RA gets all the VHC people. That will actually be more interesting than what I'm doing, but it will mostly be in Kyrgyz, while my interviews in the city will be in Russian, so there's no choice in who goes where. Plus, in a hierarchical society like KG, one can't really send one's RA to meet with the MinZdrav types. It's bad enough that I'm not showing in person for the VHC people, as often outside of the city, people enjoy meeting foreigners. Some guy on the bus this morning asked me to come visit the kids at the juvenile detention facility he works at, but my schedule isn't going to let that happen before I go. So hopefully things will go well for IT (those are my RA's initials, I'm not referring to her as a giant it thing) and if anyone really wants to meet me in person, I'm in Panfilovka all day next Tuesday.

So, sometime between meetings and so on tomorrow, I need to do my Kyrgyz homework, because I thought I was going to be on a bus to Panfilovka at 8 tomorrow so re-scheduled class for 5 PM. And then I have a goodbye dinner with a couple of friends at 8:30. And then class on Friday at 8, so I can make my interview at 10 and then go harass a Family Medicine Center into letting me interview their staff on Friday, Saturday and Monday. Also, I should really check on my whole transit visa situation, because I may need to spend some time online at the Russian Embassy if I want to make my plane to the US in Moscow rather than being held in a transit detention center.

So far I've got interviews with around 50ish people, although not all separately. So I should have 70-80 respondents by the time I'm done, if things continue to go well. It's very difficult to evaluate who is speaking openly and who is putting on a good face for the foreigner, as there is a long tradition of that here, and many people remain unconvinced that I am not from an organization, MinZdrav, or some other group that wants to judge them. And when I do convince them that I'm just doing this on my own, they have no idea what the point of me is. But I do think that the time I've spent going back to places again and again, getting to know people, getting to know the country, not having to go through a traditional interpreter (when we work in Kyrgyz, IT summarizes in Russian at points for me. While many people don't feel comfortable speaking Russian, most understand, and will often interrupt to expand and clarify, which gets me much more information than if she were to translate into English), and so on do give me a different perspective from what most international types can get, so I'm hoping that I can say something interesting and perhaps even useful in my dissertation.

Um, that's all for now. See, I left you alone for so long that now I'm making up for lost time with lots of detail about my exciting and glamorous job: long bus rides on smelly freezing minibuses, hanging out in unheated clinics with people with TB and the flu, and writing lots of notes.

Also, Happy slightly early Birthday to my eldest sister!

Internet at Home!!!!!!!

2009-12-08T00:11:00.003-06:00

That's the whole post. But isn't it exciting? Now idea how long this will last, but the next 10 days are full enough of running around like a mad woman, so not having to go to an internet cafe, and being able to look up info I need, is kind of a big deal.

I got in from Osh Sunday night, and by 7 Monday morning I was off to Panfilovka. Today I had class and was supposed to meet with someone from the Ministry of Health Press Center, but she re-scheduled for Monday, which is bad, but gave me time to run some errands. I'm getting tons done, but of course need more time. I always need more time.

Tomorrow is on to a village named Chaldovar in Panfilovskii Raion, where I'll be doing interviews with the Family Group Practice there and some of the locals. Thursday I have to be in Panfilovka (the central village in Panfilovskii) for a meeting with the heads of all the Village Health Committees in the Raion. It's a two hour trip each way,and I have to leave my research assistant there to finish while I get back to Bishkek to do another interview. I'll be working in the city Friday, Saturday, Monday and Wednesday, but Tuesday is one last trip out to Panfilovka to go to a meeting of all the GSV (Gruppa Semeinei Brachei, or Family Group Practices) heads for the raion (a raion is like a county).

Right now it's on to lunch with a friend I won't see again, and then at 3 I have a meeting with the head of one of the MinZdrav (Ministry of Health) department heads.

Oh, and some time in here I'm having a "master class" in plov making, getting a haircut, hopefully buying some new glasses, although I kind of spent all this month's money already (the trip to Osh was crazy expensive)and it's the 8th of the month, which is bad, and finishing up this semester of Kyrgyz, which involves a big exam of some sort. Fun!

GAH!!!!

2009-12-01T08:21:00.002-06:00

I'm back in Osh, and just getting out of a serious cash crunch. Like, a making my RA choose between having dinner and having breakfast cash crunch. But all better now!

I'm in the midst of craziness. I spent last weekend baking mounds of cookies and now am giving them away all over southern Kyrgyzstan. We spent Monday in Aravan raion center, at the family medicine center and visiting some households, today at the Chek Abad Family Group Practice, tomorrow at an Osh FGP, Thursday back to Aravan center, Friday here in town, Saturday morning back to Chek Abad (a village in Aravan raion) for a meeting with the Village Health Committee, Sat night or Sun morning fly back to Bishkek (my nerves couldn't take another 12 hour trip with 7 other people in a station wagon with no seatbelts on icy mountain roads, and at $25 for a seat in said station wagon vs. $50 for a seat on a 45 minute flight, flying won over financial responsibility), Sun sleep, and then Monday start the whole process over out in Panfilovskoe. Which beats Osh because I get to sleep at home, but loses in that it's a two hour multi marshrutka ride away, so I get to huddle in the cold winter wind while it's still dark and then get the sweet smell of marshrutka in the morning all over me.

But, yeah, things are good, can't believe I'm leaving in under three weeks. I'm really excited to see my family and friends again, but most of my fantasies at the moment involve food and my bed. I can't wait to eat something not flavored with mutton fat and then curl up on my wonderful mattress and box spring with a fitted sheet and my gloriously abundant pillows. Which will only happen after I oh, find a place to live and so on, but will indeed happen. I can't decide if its imminence makes my current sleeping conditions more or less bearable.

I hope you all had a Happy Thanksgiving. Mine involved chili, cornbread, apple pie, and trying to give away all my current possessions, only somewhat successfully.

Southern Success

2009-11-17T23:05:00.002-06:00

I'm in Osh, Kyrgyzstan's second largest city. Monday we made the 12 hour trip squashed in a shared taxi with 5 other people and a whole lot of luggage. We're staying at a hotel that a friend's parents own. Our room is pretty nice, so I'm a little concerned about what the price is going to be, but they keep feeding us for free and it would be unthinkable to stay anywhere else.

Yesterday we went to the Aravon Family Medicine Center and we are all hooked up for our return trip to take the actual interviews. We went to the raion center, one of the Family Doctor Groups, and the director was enthused about the project, so they're getting some of the rural health points involved and we're going through a Village Health Committee to recruit non-medical volunteers. We should have a good show.

We met with the Osh director of the Family Group Practice Association Today and she was definitely less enthused, which is pretty much what I expect from the urban/rural divide. But she did introduce us to a bunch of the people we'll be asking for interviews on our return so they know when we are coming back and are prepared, and she seemed to think that recruiting patients would be no big deal.

So I'm off to Kochkor-Ata tomorrow, where I may or may not be treated in a sanatorium (I just had a very confusing phone conversation, but I guess all will be made clear when I arrive tomorrow, and I can proceed accordingly--if I'm not staying at the sanatorium and getting massages, I may as well get back to Bishkek early, since I can live for free and work just as well there). I get back to Bishkek on Monday, Thursday I'm having a Thanksgiving/Giving Away My Stuff Party, and Friday I'm singing in Kyrgyz at some public event.

Then the following Sunday, it's back to the South for a week of intensive interviewing--it's going to be nuts. I made a chart of all my remaining days in KG in half hour increments, and filled in scheduled events, so when my RA and I are scheduling things we can just continue to fill in the spreadsheet with the appropriate info in the appropriate timeslot. Yeah, I'm an uptight academic.

I'm really tired, so I'm going back to the hotel for a nap before getting back to the exciting world of note taking. I'll be really happy I did all this when I get down to actually writing this stupid dissertation.

So, overall, a good trip, and it's not quite as cold down here. The heat did go on before I left Bishkek, so at least I won't be going back to a freezing apartment. The heat isn't doing much so far, but it will intensify until it gets to the point that when there are warm days, everyone has to wear shorts and tank tops in their apartments. Which isn't wasteful at all. Oh, Kyrgyzstan.

Plenty of Snow, Still No Heat

2009-11-10T07:16:00.002-06:00

Yesterday was the first snowfall of the year, at least in Bishkek. It has been snowing in the mountains for months. Rumors have been circulating for weeks that the city would turn on the heat any day now (everyone thought it would be Nov 1), but apparently even a couple of inches of white on the ground is not sufficient reason to, you know, heat our houses. So I've spent most of my time lately huddled on my bed with my computer and books. The bedroom is the smallest room, so it's the only one the space heater can warm up, and my computer battery is dead and the adapter needs to be cajoled into working so if it shifts a milimeter everything goes dead, so, yeah, ideal working conditions. It's so cold that to take a shower I have to move the space heater into the middle of the bathroom so it's on full blast as soon as I step out of the shower, and I have to run the hot water and the heater for about 20 minutes before it's warm enough to start the showering process.

I only ventured out to pick up some necessities, and then I'm going right back to huddling. I don't have to leave again until Thursday morning.

This week a bunch of people left--I'm getting pretty sick of saying goodbye all the time. Oh, well, it will be my turn soon enough. I'm having a Scavenging Party the end of the month so people can come and lay claim to all the stuff I'm getting rid of. One friend suggested there be games and winners get first dibs on the best stuff.

Next week I am leaving on Sunday for Osh, after finally getting the director of the oblast Family Group Practice to sign on. I'll be there and in the surrounding towns through Wednesday, and Thursday I am going back to Kochkor-Ata. I stayed there with my teacher's family some time back, and they've been calling ever since to ask when I'm coming back to be treated at the sanitorium, so this is me fulfilling that obligation. It's a bit pricy for KG and me, but it's way less than that trip to UZ I wanted to take, and a couple days of massages, warm baths, and having heat will not go amiss. It's a fancy place, so I can bring my computer and huddle on the bed there doing work if need be.

Still Alive

2009-11-06T01:55:00.002-06:00

Some of you have expressed doubt about the title, but yeah, I'm here, I'm fine, I have the same cold as everyone else in this damn city, except maybe the people who have taken to wearing surgical masks, but they just look dumb. And the slowness of internet cafes might actually cause my head to explode, which might change my living status, but for now, still here.

Things are kind of crazy. I have to run now to pick up stuff to make a cake, because the people of Kyrgyzstan are so deprived of decent baked goods that I can't go anywhere now without bringing something (I'm going to a surprise going away party for which we all have to dress up all fancy and I'm getting dinner out of the deal, so I can make a cake). If sociology doesn't work out, I might come back and open up a confectionary.

I did somehow agree in the past week to sing, in Kyrgyz, publicly, at a university assembly. And then my teacher told me this will involve national costume. I'm leaving anyway, I might as well go out on a tide of public humiliation.

And congrats to my brother and his family, which is getting a new member this June. I think I'm allowed to know this at this point.

Love to you all!

Mutton Madness

2009-10-26T04:07:00.002-05:00

I should write a fuller description of our animal sacrifice, but this is the fifth internet cafe I walked into before I could find a connection, it's crazy slow, and the keyboard is wonky.

But! This weekend was so, so fun. I missed the actual killing of the lamb because I was late getting to the dacha, but I did learn a lot about how to clean intestines. Then we ate and ate and ate and ate. First we cooked kurdak on an open fire--the sheep's neck and ribs plus onions and potatoes. We ate a full meal of that and various salads and my cupcakes and truffles. Then, a few hours later, we ate the intestines, which had been braided with the lungs and boiled, plus the stomach, which was stuffed with liver and rice. Then, a few hours later, we ate the meal that was the main part of the ritual, besh barmak, which one eats with one's hands. Everyone gets a part of the meat based on one's age and rank (everyone got to learn that I was the oldest person there) and you have to take a bite off the bone, and then get all the meat and fat off the bone and put it on a plate of noodles with gravy made from boiling the meat. Then you eat it with your five fingers. Then we all gave our wishes and blessings for the friend who was leaving.

After that, which was finished up by around 10 or 11 at night, we were allowed to consume alcohol. A couple of people found a store to buy cognac, but it was really nasty, so we all just drank tea and went to bed. We managed to fit 10 people into the one tiny bedroom of the dacha. I even got my own bunk. The next morning most people ate leftover meat, but I couldn't stomach any more mutton and ate kasha with fruit instead. Then back to the city and some sleep, because everyone in the room with me turned out to be a REALLY LOUD BREATHER, so I had been up all night.

I couldn't fit all the cupcakes in my bag with me, so I'm bringing the leftovers tonight to the house where most of the people involved with the sacrifice live (the number and names of the people who live there are constantly rotating, so it's very confusing to people like me who only drop by occasionally). Yay for cupcakes!

Animal Sacrifice

2009-10-22T03:04:00.002-05:00

My internet situation is really, really bad. The fact that they keep shutting down the power in my region at unpredictable periods for unpredictable lengths is not helping. I'm currently halfway across the city from where I live, and still having problems with sending messages and so on.

So, to update briefly: Tuesday I learned to make a mean lagman. Wednesday I went out to Panfilovskii raion and got the permission of the head doc to work at the regional center. This somehow means that I have to take the two marshrutka trip alone on Saturday morning to go to this celebration they're having so I can be introduced to all the med personnel at the outlying centers, so they don't get freaked out if I show up for a visit.

Which makes for a bit of a day, because by 2 I need to be at a dacha in the other direction from Bishkek for a ritual animal sacrifice. My friend is leaving in a couple of weeks, so we're killing a sheep to bring blessings upon all her endeavors here. The common assessment is that my trip has been disastrous enough that when I sacrifice an animal, I should really go all the way and sacrifice a horse.

I don't actually get (or have) to do any of the killing myself, as that's men's work. Although if I DO end up organizing my own sacrifice, you had better believe that I'll be doing some throat slitting myself. If I am going to sacrifice a horse, then I. Am going. To sacrifice. THE DAMN HORSE. I will sacrifice the heck out of it. All the other sacrificed horses are going to get together and go "Damn, next time, I want her to do the sacrificing. Girl knows how to get some sacrificing DONE."

So, yeah, we kill the sheep, all pronounce our blessings, and then we butcher and clean it and cook it and then we eat mutton and just keep right on eating. A whole sheep is a tremendous amount of meat, for those who are wondering. I may not have to do my own killing, but apparently I do have to help clean the intestines and make dumplings out of them, so, yeah.

Death is Apparently Not an Option

2009-10-18T00:31:00.002-05:00

I have a cold. I HATE colds. I mean I really, really, really HATE them. And I've had a lot of the non-fatal illnesses that one person can contract; colds may be my least favorite. At least while in the middle of them.

I was supposed to have a friend come over on Wednesday to fix my exploded lights, but I was too infectious, plus I'm really disgusting when I sick and sit around in pajamas and don't shower and swig out of cartons and so on and it really doesn't need to be witnessed. Then he went back to the hut on a mountain that he lives in so I asked another friend, who is spending the weekend in an abandoned mineshaft or something and is supposed to call me when he gets back.

If the above paragraph makes no sense, welcome to my world.

So I went out shopping with a friend yesterday, thinking I was on the upswing, and we got lost and wandered around, and then I felt just terrible ,and then my cold moved from my face and the back of my throat into my chest as well, and know it's just sitting there like a big, painful, ugly squatter. Also, I really want to eat an enormous juicy steak, or perhaps a delicious hamburger like they only make in the US and not here. In the absence of the likelihood of either of those materializing in my increasingly water bottle and juice carton strewn apartment, I have ventured out in search of whatever meds I can find at the pharmacy around the corner and hopefully some ramen. It's the closest thing to soup I can think of that I might actually find in my bodega (yesterday I had grand plans of going to the market for some mutton and veggies and making a nice hearty and seasonally appropriate stew. HAH!) and it's hot watery goodness is sounding pretty awesome right now.

Hopefully it turns out to be some MAGIC ramen, because I have some pretty big plans for this week. That's right, after last Friday's visit to both the State Statistics Committee and the National Library in one day, I am upping the excitement ante even more this week. Tuesday I'm supposed to learn how to make lagman, which is one of only like two national dishes I actually like. There's this guy named Bakyt who is apparently the Lagman King, makes his own noodles and everything, and I know nothing about him except that my friend A knows him and I am supposed to present myself at his house at 5 on Tuesday at which point I will in turn learn the secrets of a good lagman. Then on Wednesday, I'm taking the marshrutka to Panfilov, an outlying region of this province with a village with a Family Medical Center to talk with the director there.

Yes, it's a glamorous life (don't forget the 8 AM Kyrgyz lessons! Plus, the 2008 Demographic Yearbook of the Kyrgyz Republic, which I found myself reading in bed yesterday morning at 5 AM, now comes standard in Kyrgyz AND Russian, making it totally confusing to read but at least theoretically a great learning tool). I'd tell you more, but I don't want anyone to do anything crazy out of jealousy, plus I need to go find some magic ramen.

Radio Silence

2009-10-15T23:12:00.002-05:00

Things are a litttle crazy and weird here right now. The internet company thinks I owe them money (I don't) so I have no connection at home and cafes are a pain.

So don't worry if you don't hear from me. If something were wrong, you would hear. Eventually.

Woo! Two more months! No money, no drugs, no lights in the kitchen or hallways! Go, Kyrgyzystan!

Everything and Nothing

2009-10-08T15:07:00.003-05:00

I'm in one of those phases where I feel like I have tons of stuff to write about, but really, nothing significant is going on. Do you want to hear about the essay I am writing about my nephew for Kyrgyz class? Eventually it will be turned into an oral presentation with pictures and stuff. Or there were the bureaucratic decisions my RA and I made about how payment and overnight trips and stuff are going to work. Or the bus trips we may take to local clinics next week. Or how I tried to call the Osh branch of the FGPA and got a very confused man at the oblast hospital and need to figure that out.

Or there's trying to figure out when to meet up with my very awesome friend who has the least awesome work schedule I've ever heard of. Or how a friend came by to drop off a bag of stuff that another friend left for me and he has been stuck with for weeks because I lost my phone, and then we watched Flight of the Conchords and he claimed Australian women are actually kind of like that (he's Australian).

Or I could write about how I have double Kyrgyz tomorrow, and it's late, so the plan is to catch 4-5 hours of sleep, go to class, try not to fail my quiz, and then not meet my RA at the library, which we are instead doing on Tuesday, which means lazy Friday afternoon nap on a gray and rainy day for me, which is quite the treat.

Or I could talk about all the stuff I've been reading lately, including the just completed PP&Z, but also the really well done ethnography of Death Without Weeping and the interesting style of "In Cold Blood" and how early EM Forster "Where Angels Fear to Tread" made me laugh and laugh. This same package included "The Reader" and a book about atheism in the FSU, so I have plenty of reviews I could write, but don't, because I think that will bore you.

Or I could write about the crazy dreams and hallucinations I had when I was sick, but they were just freaky, plus other peoples' dreams are by definition boring.

So what is it to be people? So many possibilities, so few possibilities of interest. Pick a topic and I'll write about it. Or maybe I'll go silent for a few weeks and make you all guess about the crazy antics I'm up to in my crazy life in crazy Kyrgyzstan.

It's 4 in the Morning

2009-10-06T17:03:00.002-05:00

And I'm wide awake, but in the peaceful pre-dawn way of being wide awake. Today I had a mixed signals missed meeting with my RA again, but we're back on for Thursday. I got my phone straightened out and can be reached by cell again. I watched some TV, read some, and went to bed.

Then I woke up a few hours later, and my doctor tells me not to fight not feeling sleepy, but to do boring and or soothing tasks until I'm ready for bed again. I have the day to myself tomorrow, to finish paying my landlady, catch up on some Kyrgyz, and work on IRB stuff. And possibly arrange a visit to Osh for early next week or the week after.

So what do I do in the midnight hours when I should be asleep? I watch some TV. I email my adviser, which is maybe not such a good idea when I'm only half awake. She is down on my panicked idea to come back in the summer for 6-8 weeks to make sure I've done everything I can with data collection, so this is it. What I've got is what my dissertation will be. I also do lots of weird financial stuff, like make spreadsheets charting my budget and expenses and so on. Getting paid by the month is way easier than getting paid by the quarter, but this month is still tight with two months' rent to pay, plus extra big credit card bills (and cards nearing their limits lowered at the beginning of the financial crisis), due to some big ticket items like health insurance and a ticket home.

Maybe finances is not so much what my doctor wants me obsessing about when I can't sleep. I'll finish my ep of Community, finish my chocolate milk, and try to get back into bed. Since the day is my own, I figure it doesn't make much difference if I change my alarm from 8 until 9, but we'll see. And by the way, it's so nice to have an alarm clock again--that's what I missed most from my cell phone. I was kind of enjoying the inaccessible hermit aspects of being phoneless.

Some Gifts for You

2009-10-06T04:31:00.002-05:00

My parents were shocked that I doubted them on the socks question, so I shared with my Mom the made up monologue that I associated with one or the other or the both of them, in which they were a bit unenthused about their daughter's frivolity. I do this a lot: just make up stories about people and what they're thinking, or have random made up conversations with people I know in my head. Good thing I can tell the difference between these and reality, at least for now. So here's what my rather grumpy parent had to say on the subject of buying me socks, in my head, because while off base, it made my mother laugh out loud (and that's just what living in my head is like! It's fun to be me.):

"She probably wants fancy socks. What, am I going to pay extra so Ms.
Fancy Pants can have stripes on her socks? She can wear plain socks
just like everybody else, and like them. After all, we're going to all
this trouble to put this package together and send it all that way,
she should be grateful to get any socks. And I should not have to
waste my time and money on fancy socks that go on her feet where no
one will see them anyway for my 30 year old daughter who should maybe
get a job and learn the value of a dollar, and then she won't care so
much about fancy pants socks."

Totally unrelated, but a fibromyalgia blog I read sometimes, http://threeriversblog.com had a good Fibro 101 post that I thought some of you might be interested in. There's a bunch of other stuff on there that I often think but rarely say, especially in some of the FAQ stuff. Especially on stuff like brain fog, which is becoming of increasing concern to me. But keep in mind that the vast majority of this stuff does not apply to me. She is writing from a feminist disability rights perspective, and while I understand the need to build community and include those with invisible disabilities, I do not consider myself disabled and I am not planning for a future in which I degenerate to the point where I will have to consider myself disabled. We'll see how that works out for me, but even politically, I'm very far from that particular place in my life.

So enjoy, those who are interested.

Start Hanging the Streamers

2009-10-05T09:47:00.001-05:00

and get ready for a party, because I just bought my ticket back to the States. You all can celebrate my arrival back in the Western Hemisphere on December 17. I promise to stay there for at least six months, possibly considerably more, depending. On stuff.

Cutting it Close

2009-10-04T22:57:00.002-05:00

I'm at an internet cafe checking to see if my paycheck cleared yet, as I don't have enough money to add time to my home bill. Just because of the way the calendar falls this month, and given that I'm sort of a business day ahead of the states, my check is late and I'm out of cash, at least in the account to which I have access. So I'll be spending my day at home studying Kyrgyz and venture out to a cafe again tonight to see if anything has changed in the interim. I can't do anything with my phone until I have the money to do so. I've got about 200 som left, so I'm not exactly destitute, it's just kind of funny and poor planning on my part. I can pay for this, and the call to American Express I'm about to make, and maybe a little mutton to go with the potatoes and onions I have for dinner (200 some is maybe $4.50 or so). Prices have gone way up, so we'll see.

In administrative stuff: I humbly apologize to my parents for implying that they might have gotten the socks wrong. And many thanks to PMD, whose envelope of delight I got from my landlady today. 4 new movies plus a post card of my favorite Matisse painting. You know the one: the guy jumping in space. He just looks so utterly free in his body. I've loved it ever since the summer before 8th grade. I had worn an increasingly restrictive brace for two years, and had a few months free before the permanent restrictions of surgery (and thank goodness then that I had no idea what was really in store). The sensation of bodily freedom after two years without it was indescribable. I'm not going to say it was worth the two useless years in the brace, but still, quite something to experience. And that painting always takes me there.

But enough ramblings if I want to be able to afford that mutton!

The Package Has Landed

2009-10-03T09:36:00.002-05:00

A friend of my little sister's happens to be from KG. At one point we organized a package, but then she delayed her trip so my parents mailed it, but then she came, so I had to come up with what I wanted right away, and I think my requests are a pretty good snapshot of what's important to me in life.

I finally managed to meet up with the friend (this is less of a weird imposition here than it would be in the US--the postal system sucks, so people bring packages for others whenever they go anywhere) and get my package. Then I came up to my apartment and literally capered around in glee. It was very Rumpelstiltskin like.

My package holds:
--new long johns, pants. No tiger print, but a nice array of colors for clothing that is not supposed to be worn as outerwear, unless of course you are hiking and fall in a river, as some of us are prone to do.

--socks. I was a bit worried that I was going to get a package of white tube socks and have to be all "Don't you people know me at all?" but they came through with appropriately decorative foot wear that is also thin enough to be worn with boots. Good job, parents. Lots of coordinating pinks and blues, just how I like my socks.

--Oil of Olay face wash and moisturizer. That stuff is like gold here. Seriously, the stuff they sent would have run me close to $100 at a fancy schmancy boutique. I ran out of cleanser (I restocked at Boots in London) and picked up some Clean and Clear stuff and got red bumps all over my face. If there is one thing I have going for me in the looks department, it's good skin, and I take my skin care seriously. Oh, and hunting down moisturizer with sun block here is nearly impossible. I went to about 20 places before I found the Nivea stuff I have. I guess when you're so much likelier to die of something else, skin cancer doesn't come up high on the list. Although the lack of sunblock could also be the reason that everyone here thinks I'm 25.

--(DRUM ROLL, PLEASE) and finally, my very own copy of Pride & Prejudice & Zombies! I'm a few chapters in, and a little disappointed, because had I been writing it I would have done some things differently, but someone else got there first and I just have to live with the consequences.

So I took a shower, dressed in some new long underwear and socks, will wash my face tonight with good cleanser (although the water here also does weird things to my skin, and I'm not quite vain enough to wash in bottled water. Yet.)and after I'm done with the costume drama goodness a friend left behind, will curl up in bed with my long awaited novel.

Thank you to all involved. Now that that has been sorted, I expect you to meet me at the airport in December with my copy of Sense & Sensibility & Sea Monsters.

Nothing to Report

2009-10-01T10:37:00.002-05:00

I've been sick for a while, so nothing has changed. Hence no posts. Though I was having crazy awesome dreams/hallucinations. Sometimes I am just awed by the stuff that my brain comes up with on it's own. Perhaps "scared" would be the better word.

So: still no phone, made contact but still no package, so still no PP&Z. Still no significant progress.

I have a meeting with my RA tomorrow, and actual work for her to do, so that's something I suppose. I haven't been going to class this week, as it interferes with my busy schedule of lying in bed alternating between sweating and shivering and having those crazy awesome dreams/hallucinations I mentioned.

But I am feeling much, much better, and we'll see what the weekend holds. I'm hoping that IRB document I've been working on for a while, along with my now late re-upping application as a PRC trainee. Don't want to get dropped from the website.

Also, I should really come up with a paper idea to submit for ASA in January--they require full papers, not abstracts. Hey all you people to whom I tell nothing about my research so you don't really know what I'm doing here, anyway: what should I write about?

Wedding Bells are Ringing and Ringing and Ringing and Ringing and So on.

2009-09-28T11:54:00.003-05:00

I don't go to many weddings. Between my work schedule, my financial situation, and other stuff, I often have to simply check out the registry and send some hand towels or whatever. And once or twice I've had no choice but to do that to someone whom I love dearly, but in general I'm just not that into weddings. I have to really love you and love that you're in love to nudge me out of my hermit like aversion to big parties and paying for hotel rooms and so on and so on.

But 2010 is the Year of the Weddings, Folks!

Actually, the first wedding on our list is coming up way crazy fast. I will not be at the wedding but I want to honor the wedding in a public forum (and this is the best I've got) because KA deserves the wedding and the marriage of a lifetime. I was absent first metaphorically and then very literally for the courtship phases, but hope to be very much around for the actual marriage. KA is one of my dearest loves, and knowing her, I know she has chosen a wonderful man with whom to spend her life. I am really looking forward to the joy and privilege of meeting the groom and watching their life together unfold.

Then, in August 2010, We have the Moses and PE Nuptials. Despite having fabulous and religiously themed material all set, I think this wedding will proceed without song and dance numbers, but not even that can take away from the joy of seeing these two . . .keep on doing what they do so well, just with more family and Temple approval. Adding to the excitement, I asked PMD to be my date. I told her that we will stay in a fancy room that we get on the cheap, stay up late giggling, telling stories, and painting each others' toes, and I will not even pressure her to put out. Naturally, not being able to turn down an offer like that, she's in!

And then today, RM announced the October date of his blessed day. And he made the mistake of joking that there may be a zombie theme. I'm going all zombie, all the way (NOTE: Mom, can you make a wedding appropriate zombie dress?), and the zombies will dance to "Single Ladies." Naturally. Come to think of it, I haven't actually met the groom in this wedding yet, but he did consider sending me a lightbulb changer thingy from Lowes to Bishkek (which would be genius, though oh so hard to pull off), so it's almost like we're BFFs already.

One marriage I'm looking forward to getting to know in January, and two weddings I'm actually super excited to go to. This year in weddings is looking pretty different from most of my other years.

Too Many Thoughts

2009-09-26T11:20:00.002-05:00

My mother once told me that all my problems are caused by my thinking too much about everything. I'm . . . not entirely sure about that, but it's one theory, I suppose. Anyway, at the moment I have too many thoughts about possible things to write about, so instead I will compose a brief list.

1. Living in Kyrgyzstan is fantastic for lowering expectations, and I mean that in a good way, actually. Life owes you nothing, and everything good that happens is a total bonus. I had friends in this week from Almaty--American citizens, although one is originally from Kazakhstan, and they have lived around the region for years, including a year in Dushanbe. They've been to Bishkek many times before, but the years of living in Almaty have clearly gotten to them. We were walking back to my home after dinner, basically through the heart of the city on a Friday night, and of course there were no streetlights and the sidewalks are a joke of broken concrete, gravel, gaping holes, large stones, and so on, making walking far more deadly than if, say, there were dirt paths. Such is life in Bishkek! Also: I just bought a pair of fairly decent walking shoes in London in May and I have almost walked through the sole on the left one. It's a good thing it's almost time for boots, because I'm not sure how I will get around when they quit on me, and you can only buy quality here if you want to pay around four times the going rate in Europe or the US.

2. Which brings me to my grand shopping triumph of today. I do not spend a lot of time in souvenir shops. They are kitschy and I do not need anything they have--I figure I will run in and pick up a bunch of gifts for the kids before I leave, and none of the rest of you have any earthly use for felt slippers or toy yurts. My friend wanted hats for her mother and mother in law, and disdaining the wares in the first, traditional souvenir shop, we stumbled upon the new "Tumar Art Salon." They sell alot of the stuff that traditional souvenir shops sell, Kyrgyz products of wool felt and silk, mostly, but really well made and while with a definitive Kyrgyz feel to them, stuff that one would actually wear because it is cute, and not because it's better than a tag that reads "Ask me about Central Asia!" I bought an adorable violet hat with a wide upturned brim with a vine pattern in lighter violet. It's my fall hat, since it totally doesn't go with my winter coat, but oh well. I really wanted a silk and wool scarf I saw for the very reasonable price of about $30 given the quality of the product, but held off. They also have gorgeous jewelry, mostly silver with semiprecious stones, all made by local artists, and again, very reasonably priced (probably more than I would spend in the US, but as souvenirs? Totally worth it). I want to go back and buy everything. And if anyone reading this would like a gift from Central Asia, let me know, because now I actually know where to go to get a gift worth giving.

3. I know really cool people. To highlight just one, an old friend of mine is currently working on pretty much the definitive bibliography on Jack Gilbert. A limited edition set will be signed by Jack Gilbert, who has mild dementia, and all proceeds go toward his health care. This friend is then starting in on the collected correspondence of Jack Gilbert--these projects are both labors of true love of poetry, basically. If a person can in any way be judged by the company she keeps, given that this is just one example of the different types of fascinating and wonderful people I have in my life, then I am TOTALLY AWESOME. But I think we knew that already.

4. In Kyrgyz I just learned how to say stuff like "my mother's friend's dog." Basically, in Kyrgyz, there are a few words, and then you just add suffixes to everything to make meanings. So a phrase like the above turns into a monster that covers two lines of the classroom whiteboard. This language is HARD. And you have to get the first endings right for the rest of them to make any sense. Most languages (that I know anything about)have two forms of "you," one informal and singular and one that serves as both the plural form and the formal form (tu/vous in French, ty/vy in Russian, etc.). Kyrgyz has an informal singular, a formal singular, informal plural, and formal plural. The latter two utterly confound me and I can NOT get the endings straight. So anything I try to say that has either of those pronouns in or implied in the sentence ends up totally screwy, as I start out off the rails and then keep on going. Man, why doesn't everyone just learn English anyway?

5. This week was rough. In a "Hmm, getting out of bed appears to be more than I can manage today" kind of way. Those weeks happen. I still don't have a cell phone, but I did make it to 2/3 of my classes, and I didn't totally flake on my out of town friends even though today that meant slogging through the pouring rain to get to them. So I think we'll call this week a draw, and will spend tomorrow preparing for next week, which I have a cautiously good feeling about.

6. Seriously, my violet hat is So. Adorable. I'm having a hard core hat phase right now, and really just want to buy and wear hats. I sent an email to my mom asking about her millinery skills and if she's up for hat making in December (I have already warned her to clear her schedule of any other sewing projects, as I must have clothes hand tailored to my body, despite never having bothered to learn to make my own), and haven't received a reply. Perhaps because I sounded INSANE. But yeah, at the moment, all I want in life is to swan around in ever increasingly divine (and probably bizarre) hats: think "Ascot Gavotte" in My Fair Lady and that's pretty much my life dream for now.

7. Associated with number 5? Not sleeping. I read somewhere that depriving prisoners of sleep for 36 hours or more is one of the ways in which we torture detainees, since America is apparently a country that tortures now. I am not denying the horror of that kind of treatment especially in the greater context of detention and torture, but that's like every other Tuesday for me. Apparently at the 36 hour cut off your brain goes crazy in some ways (uh, I should look for what I read, because I am explaining this very badly and stupidly). Maybe that explains the parts of my life that otherwise defy rational explanation: sleep deprivation is to blame for all the ridiculous choices I make. Anyway, right now I am soooooooooooooo tired, as if you could not tell by the lack of sense I am making in this very long post--I've been talking at this speed for about the past 24 hours straight--and I'm really hoping to have a good night of sleep tonight, followed by a lazy day of tea and study and novel and TV tomorrow.

Bad Moment

2009-09-24T10:26:00.002-05:00

I had a very bad moment this evening when my power cord seemed to go entirely. The batteries have been dead for weeks, so I can only use my laptop when it's plugged in. I did some lighting rearranging and switched the outlet it was on, and it up and died on me. It's fine now, but it gave me a bit of a scare.

I'll be back in the US in under three months. All I'm asking for myself in those three months is that neither my computer nor my left kidney die on me. Collecting adequate data would be a nice bonus, but I don't want the universe to think I'm getting too greedy and design some new punishment to smack me down. Not that I'm paranoid or anything: just cheerfully aware that disaster lurks around ever corner.

Life W/O a Phone

2009-09-23T08:33:00.003-05:00

I still don't have a phone, because today was one of my not even going to bother to get out of bed days. It's 7:30 PM and I still haven't made my bed (the duvet cover did not in fact dry quickly enough yesterday), my house is a mess, and I haven't done the Kyrgyz homework due tomorrow, or anything else. And I think I may be having a quiz.

But I have at least gotten a couple of where the hell are you? Your phone has been off forever messages. And an email asking if it was OK to have given a 3rd party my email address because he needs to get in touch with me and, well, my phone has been off for days.

So it is much like maya's situation when I texted her for coffee, letting her know that universe had not forgotten her and she was still loved. Although no one seems to want me for coffee, so I don't know what that's all about.

And, yes, it's true, I pretty much communicate solely through text, so, yeah.

UPDATE: So my life has now been reduced to calling up random people, interrupting whatever they're doing, and dictating texts for them to send on my behalf. I really need a phone, y'all. I should probably get out of bed tomorrow. Stupid rain.

Rainy Day Goodness

2009-09-22T04:09:00.002-05:00

I used to love rainy days, especially storms. Now that they hurt my back and often cause migraines, I have less affection for them in general, but sometimes they can still be near perfect.

After my Dad woke me up this morning (I think our conversation on my end went something like "Blergh! Yes! Up for class! Thank you! Talk Thursday! Love you! Blergh!) I made it to class and to Vefa as I'm already described, all damp and yucky. I didn't quite settle in to a rainy day at home right away, but smartly (for once), I had put my sheets in the washer before I left home, so I hung those and put the duvet cover I use as a flatsheet in. It's drying right now, which means I may get a fully clean bed to get into tonight, when this process usually takes two days because drying takes forever and I don't usually remember to do it at 7AM.

So now I'm sitting on the couch, deeply enjoying my creamy cup of hazelnut decaf coffee and debating whether to move the light to the living room so I can do some Kyrgyz homework, watch one of the crappy but enjoyable movies MP left for me, go read In Cold Blood or one of the others I'm working on, or do something for work.

I'm lounging around in sweat pants and a long sleeved t-shirt and the only way this could be better is if I had lights everywhere I need them. Oh, and another bulb exploded last night, this one in the hallway near the kitchen, so I may never be able to see to cook again.

And So it Goes, Phoneless

2009-09-21T23:19:00.002-05:00

My Dad totally called me at 7 AM to get me out of bed for class, which is awesome. My parents are so proud that their adult daughter still needs them to get her butt moving in time to start her day. Really, aren't we all proud of me at this moment?

So I got to class, and got on a marshrutka to go to Vefa center, because I knew that they have both a cell phone store that accepts Visa and the headquarters of my provider, so I can have my sim card restored and keep my current phone number for a small fee. Yes, I have done this before. I needed to pay with Visa, because I was expecting a deposit in my bank either yesterday or today, without which I wouldn't have any cash.

Problem was, my internet shut off last night, so I couldn't check my bank balance this morning. I got to the store and they told me that their credit card system is out and probably will be forever (In the US, things that are broken generally get fixed in a reasonable matter of time. Here, it's more common to just give up on whatever it was.). I went to each ATM in the building trying to get a balance statement, but couldn't get a single one.

So I came home, and found out that I had plenty of money to buy a phone. But instead I get to do it all over again tomorrow. Well, I don't have class on Wednesdays, so at least I don't need a wake up call.

It's funny, though--I had no idea how dependent I am on text messages to feel loved, or at least like anyone here knows or cares that I am alive.

2009-09-21T07:04:00.003-05:00

So, anyone want to call me at home at 7 AM my time tomorrow to make sure I get up on time for class? I'm trying to set my internal alarm, but it has been on the fritz for months now, and I don't even have my teacher's number to warn her. Or anyone else's number. I'm going tomorrow to pick up a new phone and get my phone number reinstated, but my phonebook doesn't get added back in there. Yeah, given the frequency with which I lose or break phones, perhaps I should keep a back up of people's contact info.

PMD Tells Me

2009-09-20T04:14:00.003-05:00

It is International Talk Like A Pirate Day.

In true pirate fashion, I went out last night and downed copious amounts of vodka, closed down one club and went on to another, and fell asleep on my couch sometime this morning fully clothed, including one shoe.

So I am in no shape to talk like a pirate. Why should I have to? I AM a pirate. No fake accents and jargon for me.

UPDATE: I think I may also have lost my phone last night. This may or may not have happened outside my apartment when I was cracking myself up with my inability to get the lock to work (in my defense, this lock is very difficult at the best and soberest of times, which whatever o'clock this was was most definitely not). So, all in all, well done by me.

2009-09-17T14:08:00.002-05:00

Cranky. Cranky, cranky, cranky. Crankypants. Crankpot McGee.

No, no reason.

That is all.

More Fun with International Finances

2009-09-16T14:15:00.002-05:00

Did you used to think that the life of an expat was one of excitement and glamor? That every day opened with the possibility of a new adventure lurking around the corner, and could end in any number of ways, possibly featuring a different country, a handsome man with a mysterious past, or booze fueled karaoke?

Well, I hope, faithful readers of this blog, that you have learned your lessons. Mostly it means lighting trouble and international financial headaches.

You heard earlier in the week about my lost debit card, which is being dealt with and has caused me a minimum of stress. The money I needed transferred did transfer, so tomorrow I can both pay back my friend and continue to eat.

Tonight's debacle, however, is a bit more complicated. I've been tracking tickets home, and the prices dropped dramatically recently. Thinking I'm not going to do much better than $850 and just one layover, I tried to buy my ticket tonight. The purchase order originally went through with my Kyrgyz phone number, and was rejected because that is not the number my credit card has on file. So I tried it again, correctly, and was locked out of my credit card for possible fraud.

It turns out that I have to speak to the people at the company directly. They will not call me. My father, who has Power of Attorney, is powerless until I give him specific authority over this account (it did not work that way with banks and other stuff). We tried the one parent on one phone with the company and the other on the phone with me put the phones together and they refused. There are no collect calls in Kyrgyzstan. No one I have ever asked has had any idea how one would make a collect call here, and all companies are set up on the principle of collect calls. So I have to wait 12 hours or so, as it is the middle of the night, find an IP phone place, and figure this out in a public place. At least I hope it's figured out, because that ticket isn't going to stay that price forever.

Another Lamp Bit the Dust

2009-09-16T10:22:00.002-05:00

Two nights ago I tripped over the cord for my bedside lamp, knocked it over, and killed it. I really hate reading before bed with the overhead lamp, so tonight the lamp from the living room is back in the bedroom, and I'm about to follow it to get cozy in my bed with my book and the covers, as it is cold and rainy. Tomorrow will also be cool and rainy, and I will be walking around all day and don't have an umbrella since I finally threw out the broken one that had been sitting in my hall for months. But the weekend should be gorgeous and warm. I plan to head off to the building bazaar for yet another table lamp after my double session of class on Friday, unless my friend succeeded in picking one up for me at the Osh Bazaar today. We were texting about our lunch plans for tomorrow, she mentioned her location, I mentioned my need, and even though she was there to teach a class and not to shop she said she'd see what she could do.

I'm not even sure what number this is up to. Also, I tried the potato trick with the lightbulb in the kitchen again the other day, and fell off the stool, slamming my face into the kitchen table. So that was fun. Still no light in the kitchen. I've got about exactly three months left, and I predict that the kitchen will stay dark that entire time.

The Promise of Deep Thoughts to Come

2009-09-15T09:05:00.007-05:00

I was really surprised by the response I got to my post on body image--mostly positive, and most of it private and direct to me (as opposed to the usual comments on posts). I'm going to write more about it in a bit and add in some stuff in KG, in response to a question from a long lost childhood friend (found through, what else, Facebook). But I want to think about it, because I want to clarify some things and explain others a bit further.

So here are some random pics from me at the beach a few weeks ago. You will note that these are not anywhere near as flattering as the photo shoot pics, because, well, they are spur of the moment snapshots, I am wearing a shirt that was already too large and became huge after getting wet, and I am next to a beautiful and fit friend. I am posting them anyway. More on all that later.

Some Days are Just Good

2009-09-14T23:40:00.004-05:00

I don't know if I've been living in Kyrgyzstan too long and my standards have fallen through the floor, or if I've been living here long enough that I've learned to take what I can get and be grateful when it happens. Either way, it's not even 11 AM and I am calling today as a good research day.

Yesterday, after months of trying, I was finally able to get a meeting with the Director of an NGO here that is very important to my work. Problem was, she could only meet at 9 AM, saying she is very busy today. I have class at 8 AM. Luckily my teacher is the most understanding woman on earth (side note on that: academic culture is very different here than in the US, and she is always so surprised and thrilled that I do my homework thoroughly and well that I think I can get away with a lot of my little quirks), and she actually shut the class down earlier than I thought we needed to for me to get to the meeting on time (and I did, in fact, stand around waiting for 15 minutes).

The director was pretty curt on the phone, but that's often just the way here, so I wasn't sure what to expect, although knowing she was busy I figured I'd be out in 15 minutes. My plan was to ask for a formal interview at a later date and ask for advice on picking research sites.

Well, we had over an hour conversation about my topic and health care in Kyrgyzstan. She started out giving me some background--she has worked with the reforms from the very beginning, but it was when she mentioned that due to this a lot of her colleagues joke that she is guilty for all the problems that reforms have caused. That was NOT what I expected to hear from a reformer, and when I picked up on led to a really interesting conversation about varying view points and some of the factors that determine how people feel about changes. Very interesting, and will definitely shape my formal protocols to some degree.

Then, when I asked for advice about contact, she handed over a list with the contact info for every branch of this NGO in the country (I was at the main one) as well as contact information for some actual clinics locally that might be interesting. She gave me another list with the cell phone numbers of all of these people. And she gave me permission to introduce myself by saying that she had recommended I call these people. It's her recommendation that is the real coup here, because it is much more likely that people will be receptive to having me hang out at their clinics if they know that a big wig is not against the idea (I think she's far enough away that I'm not using undue pressure by mentioning her name).

So, yeah. Two sheets of paper with some names and phone numbers, and nothing else needs to happen for this to have been one of my most successful days thus far. Which is good, since my plan for the rest of the day involves the really exciting process of typing up notes from theory reading.

UPDATE: (About 3 hours later) And then the DHL guy brought my Ambien CR and Vicodin right to my door, no prescription needed. It's too bad that gambling isn't my scene, or that I don't have a paper ready for submission, or a guy I've been pining for but too nervous to make a move, because I have a feeling that this is my luckiest day in quite a while.

New Sleeping Schedule

2009-09-14T13:55:00.002-05:00

So I seem to have a new sleep/work out schedule that is working out well enough for me, but the thing is, it is totally messed up. On days I have class (Tues, Thurs, and Fri) I get up early, although class isn't until 9 on Friday, and I can roll out of bed and be on time if I'm out of bed by 7:20 the rest of the week. So, anyway, I go to bed early, about 10, sleep for 2-3 hours, am awake for 2-3 hours, and then sleep until sometime between 7 and 8, depending on whether or not it is a class day. If it's not I work out in the morning, otherwise in the afternoon. Then I generally need a "nap" in the late afternoon: I pick whatever easy to digest but related to work book I'm working on at the moment, set my alarm for two hours, and read/doze. Then it's back to my interrupted night schedule.

This is all enhanced by local sleeping pills, which is obviously never great. I paid extra and requested the controlled release form of my sleeping pills from my doctor. They've never done much for me in the past, but I'm hoping that this time they'll work and I can do something like sleep from 11 to 6 or 7. That is my golden dream of a sleep schedule. I still might need the afternoon down time, but I have a chronic fatigue condition, so I try to cut myself some slack, even while trying to make sure I'm not just a lazy drain on society.

So, yeah, this is one of the late night wake up sessions. I slept for two hours, and should be able to fall asleep in another hour or two, leaving me almost four hours for the rest of the night. I have class at 8 and a super important meeting at 9 that still won't last longer than half an hour because the person I'm meeting is super busy, so I think my nap tomorrow may come in the 11-1 range.

OK, I didn't count the words, but we are up to four paragraphs on my sleep schedule. And that does no justice to the importance of the role trying to sleep properly plays in my life. Why am I so bad at sleeping? And why do I get the feeling that I could just as well be talking about an infant with my schedule and my quirks (she needs a midnight feeding!)? Is proper sleep hygiene another test of whether one is actually an adult? Because I always seem to fail those.

The Week Thus Far

2009-09-14T08:17:00.002-05:00

So far I've lost my debit card, the one that was attached to a bank account with actual money in it, and gotten rolled by some cops looking for a bribe. But I also finally got a meeting with a group I've been hassling for months. So it could still go either way. I'm going to finish my Kyrgyz homework, eat some yogurt, get into bed, read some more of The Golden Notebook and ponder the possibilities.

A Small Source of Pride

2009-09-12T09:07:00.002-05:00

Like just about every American woman, I've always struggled with my weight and with accepting my weight. I also have other reasons to hate my body, namely that it doesn't actually work properly, but I've always wanted to be the thin ideal, even while knowing the images we're inundated with are hardly a reflection of health and/or reality.

Then a few years ago, I very quickly gained a large amount of weight due to various medications I was trying and discarding. In the course of a few months I gained about 20 lbs, and the weight kept piling on more slowly after that, until I was about 30 lbs heavier than my usual weight. I freaked out, of course, and saw a nutritionist and this and that and the other thing, and the consensus was that this was drug weight and not much to do about it. I wasn't even able to tell myself any longer that even though I'm not thin I'm still healthy, as my BMI (and yes, I know it's a problematic indicator) is no longer in the "normal" range.

I felt weird in my own body. The changes happened so quickly that I was unprepared. I felt like I needed to pick up my newly formed gut and carry it along with me separately. Fat rolls appeared where none had ever been before. I've never thought of myself as having thoroughly ingesting the culture of fat shaming we have in the US, but I was disgusted by myself. I started finding excuses not to leave my apartment so I wouldn't be looked at.

Fast forward a few years, and I haven't lost any weight. I have stopped gaining, which is a huge psychological boost, although there's always the fear that it's going to start again without warning. But I've come a long way in settling into this body. It's not the one I want; in fact if I get to pick I'd like one 30 lbs lighter than I was when all this weight gain started, but I'm not sickened or ashamed of it.

The point of all this is a couple of years ago I wouldn't even have considered doing this ridiculous photo shoot, much less posting the results for all to see. I still look at many of the shots and wince, but I'm also able to look at some of them and just see a woman having fun with her friends. I'm not at all proud that I'm so appearance obsessed that being overweight is an obsession of mine, but I am proud that apparently I've grown just enough of a smidge that I can enjoy my body and what it can do at times.

Smoking is Bad for Your Health

2009-09-11T10:20:00.003-05:00

I think these will be the last I put up. They're all up at Facebook (since I have no shame), but I think these last few will suffice for this site. Right after the first two pics, I totally fell off the tree and tumbled down the little hill. Just keep that in mind. The glamor of modeling. Also, this was after I had fallen and reopened the gaping wound on my knee--if you look closely at some of the pictures, you can see that my right knee is a bloody mess (there was a big scab from my fall in Ak Terek, and hitting it again tore it off).

I Think These Pics Kind of Scream Irish! Irish!

2009-09-09T09:40:00.003-05:00

Like Danny Boy would be appropriate accompaniment to a slide show. But then, I've never been to Ireland, and I'm pretty sure I'm romanticizing the whole thing.

We Were Going for Roadtripping 50s Housewife, But Ended Up With Who Knows What

2009-09-09T07:15:00.004-05:00

The title says it all about these pics. But the rocks are pretty.

Outtakes

2009-09-08T14:27:00.004-05:00

I'm glad you guys seem to be enjoying these as much as I enjoyed taking them. Next time I do an outdoor photoshoot, however, I would really prefer to be dressed appropriately. Also, in some of the pictures you can see my poor bloody knee. Also you may note that I ran out of nail polish remover before the shoot and have totally anachronistic to my vision some very punk rock chipped navy nail polish. Not quite the aesthetic I was going for.

Cupcakes!

2009-09-08T12:14:00.003-05:00

I'm also going to post the cupcake pictures before I go to bed, as they are the most absurd. Some feature the poor new Language Fellow drafted into this, and he shall remain anonymous as I have no way of getting his permission to post, but I'm assuming he wouldn't mind as he volunteered for these. By the way, I am not posting any of the amazing pictures of my friends, because I need to get explicit permission before I would so that. So, my friends: The ridiculous cupcake pictures!

Warm Up

2009-09-08T10:59:00.003-05:00

I include this first picture purely to illustrate that there was indeed snow in the background while I was running around in my ridiculous outfits. Not because I am under the misconception that these shots are flattering in any way.

I'm going to post the pictures in batches because of slow load times. The shoot was both more and less successful than I had hoped. There are a bunch of pictures of me that are really nice, but I look more like an Irish mum gazing across the water to where her children are, or in some a devout Muslim woman of a certain age, than I do a disaffected 50s housewife. Except that I'm smoking, because that was part of the 50s housewife thing I was going for. The cupcake pictures are just silly. But fun. But this first batch is just to give you a taste of how ridiculously I was dressed for much of this hike after falling in the river.

The Story

2009-09-07T22:42:00.002-05:00

We met up at 9 AM Sunday on our not so rigorous trek. It was me, my friends MW and MP, and the new English Language Fellow (who will work with MW) who had arrived in Kyrgyzstan the day before and thought he was going on a simple hike. Not so much.

The original idea for the photo shoot came from MW, as she missed out on being an attendant at a friend's wedding because of living here, and shew wanted to take pictures like the wedding pictures. This vision altered, and she ended up with two costumes: one a stretchy and shiny pink pretty pretty princess dress (hideous) and one the underskirt from the dress and a white tank top, in which she could pose gracefully along the natural backdrop.

MP was somewhat less into the concept, but she did bring along her cowboy boots and a sexy dress borrowed from MW, so we shot her as kind of a sexy but strong and silent Montana cowgirl type.

My bag included a pair of four inch heels, a makeup case, a dress, and a selection of cupcakes. I also wore my trenchcoat and a scarf, to increase the possibilities. I considered buying an ugly martini glass I saw on sale the day before, but figured it would only break on the way, but I did include some long skinny lady cigarettes in my props so I could play disaffected housewife on road trip.

We started the hike off slowly, in fairly good weather, stopping repeatedly along the way for shots of MW as she found good places. Hiking is hard on me in general, both the going up and the going down, for various reasons, but man, I am out of shape. I miss my exercise bike. We stuck to the river valley, so it wasn't even much of a hike.

I held off on taking pictures, because my set up was going to take the longest, and I wanted to get where we were going (basically we wanted to hit the snowline) and decide on a place to eat and shoot me. When we got to the part where we had to cross the river, I rolled up my jeans, but didn't tie my sneakers to my bag, I just held them. Then off course I slipped on a rock while crossing, got drenched, and would have been without a shoe had not the gallant ELF gone chasing after my sneaker. He really put up with a lot on this trip, and with fairly good grace.

That's when I changed into my leopard print longjohns. MP had gotten in on the photographing at this point, but we seemed to have passed all the places we had thought would work for me. We got about as far as we wanted to go, as the clouds were lowering and the temperature was dropping, so we took some pictures where you can see snow in the background--I insisted on having some of me in my long underwear and top (I almost went down to the cami, but it was too damn cold), so I can show that even if I looked ridiculous, I made it to the snow.

The way back went much faster, as we were all starting to get really cold. We finally reached an area with a picnic bench that I had noted earlier as a potential location. I got to change out of all my layers into a short sleeved dress and heels. I haven't seen my pictures yet, but they were all shot in fog, and I was freezing.

So, basically, I goofed around with a cupcake, and then with a cigarette. AT one point I was in my trenchcoat, leaning against a tree, when I suddenly slipped and rolled down the small hill behind me. It was hilarious. I had already fallen earlier, reopening my cut from last week, so my long johns had a huge blood stain on the knee. Moral of the story? Even walking appears too much for me to handle.

On the rest of the trip, I had dry socks and an extra pair of long johns, and we were all freezing cold ,and I was wet and chilled through. We couldn't get a cab to come get us (we were about 1/2 hour outside the city) and had to stand around and wait during negotiations, but we finally got home, I got to waltz through the city in my underwear (along with that of someone else),and I got home pretty beat.

My camera pretty much gave out after the river drenching. It's fine now, though. So I have some gorgeous pictures of MW, but none of me. I'm supposed to go to MW's for Chinese and pictures tonight, though, so I should have some to post not too long from now. At one point she commented that "These may not come out flattering, but they are definitely very editorial." I'd prefer that my fashion editorial shoot come out with me looking good in the pictures, but I'll take what I can get, I suppose.

Just a Taste

2009-09-06T07:16:00.004-05:00

I am far too exhausted to tell the tale of today's hike through the main river valley in Ala Archa, but believe me, it is EPIC. The picture here is of me shortly after falling in the river trying to cross it, and idiot that I am I was carrying my camera and sneakers. Yes, it's hard to see but I am indeed wearing my pink leopard print long johns instead of the jeans in which I started out (If you click on the picture you'll see it much bigger). The poor new English Language Fellow we promised a hike and gave a photo shoot gallantly rescued the sneaker I lost hold of, although a favorite sock is gone forever. The camera apparently still works, but shortly thereafter gave out, so I'm trying to recharge the battery and hope that that works. Therefore, the far more interesting pictures that were taken subsequently are on friends' cameras. We are getting together Thursday to share pictures, so expect the story of the hike later in the week and a grand photo essay of insanity by the weekend.

Pictures Pending

2009-09-04T06:32:00.002-05:00

It's cold in Bishkek today. Well, cloudy and mid 60s, and it hasn't been close to this in a while, so it feels cold. I should be attending the opening ceremony of a local bar camp (blogger convention) tonight, and attending sessions tomorrow, but I'm pleading weather and lingering weakness from my illness as an excuse to huddle in my house, far away from other people. I'm reading about the War of the Roses and watching Dollhouse, which gets crazy good halfway through the season.

I am still open to being sent Mad Men DVDs. Or BSG. Or anything, really. I got a bunch of stupid movie DVDs from a friend, but my attention span is much better suited to episodic TV--the shorter intervals mean it takes me only a few sessions to watch an episode, and I like the longer arcs overall.

But the point of this post is the hike I am taking on Sunday. The glorious, ridiculous hike which has actually turned into a photoshoot. The origins of this photo shoot are murky and long in telling, but I have one friend who bought an insane pink stretchy princess dress at the bazaar, another who is not as into the idea but nonetheless picked out a perfectly lovely dress to wear, and me. Other people are coming and are as yet unaware of the photo shoot or busy rolling their eyes. We're going to the Ala Archa canyon outside of Bishkek and will do one of the easier hikes, and then take our pictures.

My vision involves a kind of unsexy pinup kind of 50s housewife like aesthetic. I have a kind of old fashioned face, but sadly do not own a corset and bustle, or I'd be going straight up Victorian. As it is, I'm wearing my closest to 50s style dress (a black eyelet wrap dress with a very full but still A line skirt), bringing my two tone T-straps, and making cupcakes. Yes, I am lugging cupcakes up a mountain so I can then put on make up and take pictures with them. You should know that there is a new fellow arriving on Saturday to do the same job a friend of mine does (so there will now be two of them in the country). He agreed to do a hike the day after he arrives. He has no idea what he is in for.

The results should either be glorious or amazingly awful. Either way, I will be sure to post.

Wait, What?

2009-09-02T08:05:00.001-05:00

According to a mini-review of The Inheritance of Rome in The New Yorker the Brontosaurus doesn't exist any more, in the same way that Pluto is no longer a planet. When did this happen? Why did no one tell me? I grew up on the brontosaurus as the friendly vegetarian alternative to T-Rex. Man, what are they going to take from my childhood and kill next?

Poor Decision Making Skills

2009-09-02T07:56:00.002-05:00

I decided that my trouble this weekend was merely a bout of food poisoning, despite the timeline being rather off. So yesterday morning I showed up bright and early for my Kyrgyz lesson, did whatever I do all day long, and met a friend at a coffee shop for conversation and my Kyrgyz homework (and yes, more of the former than the latter was accomplished).

I had the beginnings of a terrible headache when I left my house in the evening, but it was not a migraine, so I decided that I probably needed to eat or drink something. By the time I got home the headache had grown some nausea, and I spent all night sick and trying to meditate my way out of it, only to wake up to cancel my lesson and my meeting. I'm fine again now ,and off to a dinner meeting in a little while, but may need to cut back on my plans for the rest of the week.

See, the thing is, when you're chronically ill, you're supposed to pace yourself, rather than get trapped in cycles of over activity, a crash, and then recovery. Which is great in theory, but whenever I try to do this, I just find myself doing nothing all the time. I've got three months left in KG, and I need to go all out if I want to come out of this trip with a dissertation. Unfortunately, my brain doesn't seem to be able to separate out going all out for work from the rest of my life. So I've done more socializing in the past few weeks than I did in the entire first two months of summer. And I don't mean crazy partying, I mean sedate dinners out and so on, but still. My mindset is pretty much head down, push through the next three months, and I can collapse in time for the holidays, if necessary. Which is maybe not the way to go. But it is letting me get more done and have more fun.

All of which is probably related to my decision making skills in general. I'm aware that I'm making a poor choice, but all my other options seem crappy, too, so I'm going to go ahead with my stupid decision until faced with consequences. I mean, it's not like staying in every night and sleeping 9 hours a night has kept me out of the hospital, so why not try eating out every night and 6-7 hours of sleep?

More of My Favorite Things: Perhaps the Beginnings of an Official Listicle

2009-08-31T10:22:00.002-05:00

You may or may not know that I am obsessed with Dinosaur Comics. If you have ever read these comics and if you know me, then it is a no brainer that I would be obsessed with Dinosaur Comics, because, seriously, brilliant. T-Rex just being awesome and loving meat and solving philosophical problems with occasional assists from Utahraptor and God. Dinosaurs + random theories + self aggrandizement + love of meat products + God = Something close to my platonic ideal of funny stories told in a series of illustrated frames. I try not to just post here about things I love on the internet, because at least in theory you are reading this blog because I supposedly have adventures in foreign lands and you would like to hear my thrilling tales of derring do, but whatever. I can't keep this one to myself.

Is This True?

2009-08-31T03:47:00.002-05:00

I just read a post on Feministing (side note: someday I should write about my guilt that I find movement feminist writing so irritating--I roll my eyes every time I read "trigger warning" and descriptions of privilege, all the while being perfectly aware that it's my own privilege that lets me do so. I am very conflicted.) about a book about being tall by a tall woman--a tall woman wrote the post.

It's the expected stuff about how height is a size non-normativity that is generally seen as a positive thing, although for women it can carry all kinds of negative baggage, as transgressing norms generally does. The reason I'm posting about this here is that the post claims that the average height for American women is 5'3". Is this really so? I'm 5'3" and I am generally the shortest person in any room. Well, except Moses. And I guess I'm taller than Miki, too. People often don't realize how short I actually am, I think because I rarely wear true flats, I have really good posture (one of the benefits of a fused spine), and related to the second point, I carry myself as if I were taller than I am. But I am very aware of being shorter than most people and always having to look up to make eye contact (I should mention that this is not so much the case in Kyrgyzstan, where presumably genetics and malnutrition/childhood stunting make for a pretty short population). So I'm pretty surprised that my height should be cited as average for American women--I would have expected a couple of inches taller.

Maybe that's just the baggage of being the shortest person in a large family. I learned early how to climb onto counters to get stuff out of cabinets, and I still have a really weird habit of walking around my house on tiptoe. I find it soothing, or something. Pretty much any time you are on the phone with me for an extended period of time, you can be sure that I'm pantsless and walking in circles on tiptoe.

So, yeah, I'm feeling better, which is good, as I have class at 8 AM tomorrow and lots to get done this week. But I'm taking today to fully recover, so I canceled a dinner meeting, am reading a cheesy mystery I've been saving, and have been watching episodes of Dollhouse I downloaded while on vacation. I'm also enjoying the anticipation of picking up my package at the main post office tomorrow. Despite having dictated what's in it (I ordered new contacts and made a couple of requests to go along with them), getting the notice that it had arrived just before I left for my trip on Friday has generated anticipation about equal to that of Christmas.

Also, today is Independence Day or something. People seem to have a hard time remembering it's a holiday. I had to point out to my teacher that the university wouldn't be open today so we couldn't meet there for class as planned, which freed me up to plan to come back from my weekend trip today (obviously, those plans got trashed when I managed to mess up even a simple, spur of the moment, easy trip by getting sick. I think the lesson here is that you should never travel with me, as I will mess up your trip.). At the house we stayed at in Ak Terek, we mentioned the holiday, and one man responded, "Oh, yeah, something else Bakiev thought up." (This is totally not accurate--August 31, 1991 is the date Kyrgyzstan declared independence from the Soviet Union. Reluctantly, but they declared it nonetheless.) So I guess it's similar to rescinding Daylight Savings Time, and I should add this to my notes for the future, when I take over a country. In addition to altering time, I will be sure to add holidays to the calendar, perhaps canceling others so as not to lessen state productivity.

This is Why I Never Do Anything

2009-08-30T11:15:00.002-05:00

I'm home early from my weekend trip. I had a lot of fun but ended up horribly ill and had to get back to Bishkek in a hurry today. The people I was with were incredibly gracious and decided that due to bad weather didn't really want to go on to our next location and hike as planned, but I think at least some of their decision was provoked by how grossly sick I was, which is very kind.

We made it back, splurging on a cab from Bokonboevo to Bishkek (marshrutka from Ak Terek to Bokonboevo). I should really post a map so you know what these place names mean.

It was fun, regardless. The Friday night marshrutka ride to Bokonbaevo was full of drunk Kyrgyz singing, no observation of Ramadan there, and then we went on to the festival on Saturday. I'll write more about it later. It was pretty well done; better than I anticipated. Then we looked up the people that a friend had stayed with four years before and asked if we could sleep at their house. We dumped our stuff and went for a swim, so I can now assure everyone who asks (and that means EVERYONE here) that I have been swimming in the lake. Here, "the lake" is only one lake, Issyk Kul.

Today was supposed to be spent hiking and then sleeping up on a jailoo, but instead I woke up my co-travelers emptying stuff out of their plastic bags so I could have a place to puke (the bathroom is an outhouse, it was muddy, and it took over 5 minutes to get there). They are still speaking to me. We even have plans for a mini trip next Sunday.

I started off taking lots of pictures, but had one of my periods of tremors, so quickly realized that they were all coming out blurry. The other two women I was with both took a lot of pictures, and one is an amateur photographer, so I expect to have some quality shots of the Miss Apricot pageant, Real Man competition (disappointing), the goat game (although we arrived too late for the killing of the sheep and wandered off before the organized competition got started), an awesome Manschi (guy who sings the Manas epic) and other musicians. I was hoping that some enterprising young villager would take apricot pits and turn them into delightfully quirky figurines that I could buy for my nieces and nephews, but no one did. I did buy a commemorative tote and some locally produced stoneberry and sea buckthorn berry (I think those are the names, I'm too tired to go look them up now) jam, which I am going to enjoy in my tea and on my toast tomorrow morning, assuming eating is once again something I can handle. This picture is me acting like a fool on the beach. More will be forthcoming.

To Be Fair

2009-08-27T11:54:00.003-05:00

I complain a lot about my current grant, and with some reason. But to be fair, the institution has had a lot of turnover in the position who deals with me and others like me, and the organization as a whole deals with thousands upon thousands of Fulbrighters in the field, applying, getting ready to be sent out, and so on. So it's a major bureaucratic institution and logic can have a hard time having its day in those circumstances. Things do seem to be progressing so that I don't think I'll be making my fly by trip to the States in September--which is just as well. If I don't keep myself a scarce resource, you won't remember how highly you're supposed to value my presence.

But it's so nice to be dealing with a grant on a smaller scale. My next grant is through my university, but the money comes from the federal government. UT wasn't originally authorized to give one for the specific terms I asked for, so a dedicated staff person worked like crazy and pulled together a program that DC agreed to, instead of going back to the committee and saying, "She's not covered; pick an alternate." It literally took months of back and forth and I only know a bit of what she had to do based on things she asked me for. I checked about a month ago to see if I could tell if I would get paid on the first or last of the month; at that time my paychecks from September 1 to May 1 were already in the system, ready to be directly deposited into my account. The same staff person has to deal with paying for my registration at AUCA, so there was some confusion over whether I would have to pay the $400 fee international student scholars pay to stay recognized as students during absences like mine. She checked my tuition bill, and before I even got to it, a third party had taken care of it. Now, this woman has been in the position for a long time, and she has many fewer students to deal with, but contrast this with it being August 27, I still haven't gotten my August paycheck (haven't, in fact, gotten a paycheck since April), and I still have no idea when I will. I am very, very grateful that this grant distribution seems to be going smoothly and easily, and I am especially grateful to the conscientious professional who made it possible.

Yet Another Post, BC I Thought of Something Random

2009-08-26T23:35:00.002-05:00

Here is a picture from Kochkor-Ata. I did not take many. When taking me through the new spa, the head builder laughed hysterically when the one picture I took was of a sign detailing what ailments the water is purported to cure. That information will be useful!

Also: I am considering whether to take a quick trip to Issyk Kul this weekend. The inducement, rather than the crowded beach which I have been avoiding all summer, is that some village is holding an Apricot Festival on Saturday. There's a Miss Apricot pageant and everything, and you all know how I feel about beauty pageants in all their iterations. The trip involves 5 hours on a marshrutka Friday night, then the festival on Saturday, and then the mountains on Sunday morning and back to Bishkek. It's the latter part that makes me nervous. I am seriously disabled when it comes to most climbing, even the non-specialized kind. I have to move very slowly, certain movements cause pain, and others are sure to cause pain later. I don't know the people I would be going well enough to deal with my issues about being weak in front of other people. So my idea now is maybe I could go, enjoy the apricots, and find a ride back Sunday morning in time for my chat with the editor of neweurasia.

But I'm leaning toward going. I'm not going to be in KG much longer (although the embassy did send approval to IIE for me staying after my FB is done, so I'm one step closer to figuring out this ticket/paycheck fiasco), so it seems I should take my Miss Apricot pageants when and where I can find them.

Happy Birthday to Our Glorious Prophet! (A Little Late)

2009-08-26T23:04:00.002-05:00

Is the title sacreligious? What I mean is,

Dear Moses,

Happy, happy birthday! Even if I am a bit late getting around to it, my wishes for your continued health, happiness, and all around awesomeness are no less sincere. May you stay forever youthful in the way that make Soap Opera Digest one of your magazines of choice. As you possibly succumb to the baby rabies, may I just say that my love for you is such that I plan to continue to associate with you, even at risk of infection, and not only because I want your SIL to adopt me as her sociological protegee and teach me the ways of using research to make Rush Limbaugh mad. Just don't bite me.

Love always,
The Pirate

Musings on the Gift of a Book

2009-08-26T11:55:00.002-05:00

RM very sweetly sent me a copy of The Right Attitude To Rain by Alexander McCall Smith (the guy who writes the No 1 Ladies Detective Agency stories, with which some of you may be familiar). I love it when people give me books they've enjoyed, although book recs can be fraught.

RM read the book and enjoyed it, and it made him think of me, so he sent it to me. I'm going with the most obvious reason it would have made him think of me: he enjoyed it, he knows I enjoy a good read, and hence he did a kind thing by passing it along.

There are hints in the texts, though, of other things that might have reminded him of me. They come in the form of the protagonist Isabel Dalhousie, a philosoper. My guesses on how that character might remind someone of me:

1. She is always thinking. About everything. Even when over-consideration is not a good thing. I like the way her need to roll everything over and over in her brain is portrayed as a mixed bag at best.

2. She kind of butts in a lot where her nose might be of better use elsewhere. This is more hinted at than shown in this novel (which I think is part of a series), but it is clear that this has been a problem for her.

3. The 42 year old philosopher lands the totally hot 28 year old musician, and that is my total plan for my future life (except I will not be a philosopher in it).

So any of my guesses right? Something totally different? Or just the sharing of a good book with another book lover?

Sigh

2009-08-26T08:46:00.000-05:00

The Random Amazingness that is My Life

2009-08-25T10:49:00.002-05:00

I complain from time to time on these pages. My health situation is not what one might call ideal. It's a toss up as to whether my financial situation is worse or better than my health.

But those two things aside, I live a pretty amazing life. For the past decade or so, I have been paid to travel around and do things that I love. It's impossible not to feel grateful to the universe for giving me a life like this--it's not something you get by deserving it, I just have lots of privilege working my way and have gotten a lot of lucky breaks.

This came up a lot in my visit to Kochkor-Ata. The big thing was that I had all these surgeries in childhood. And yes, they led to further health problems, and I will be dealing with the pain and fallout from them forever, but the thing is, I had them. I am not dead because of them In KG, even had I survived my spine twisting around my vital organs, I would be so disabled that I would be unlikely to ever leave the house.

Then there's the ridiculousness of my world travels. I often forget about this, because in expat circles, I'm pretty poorly traveled, I'd say. I've rarely had the opportunity just to travel for fun, but what I have had is the ability to leverage work into all kinds of fun travel. My hostess started repeating the names of all the places I've been to people she introduced me to, so surprised that a 30 year old could be so lucky to have done so much. And she is right. I am one lucky, lucky lady.

I hope that doesn't sound smug or anything. I imagine most people are as satisfied with their lives as I am with my own. I just think it's a beautiful thing that I get to do just what I want to do--my life is moving how I want it to, and I wouldn't change a thing (enh, OK, aside from the health and money stuff, but then life would be too perfect and I'd be unendurable).

I've always felt fortunate. I had parents who told me I'm beautiful and talented and smart and a good person from day one, so blame them for my thinking too highly of myself. I've always found a way to stick to what I want to do and make it work. My college degrees in Russian and Women Studies' may not have job market written all over them, but I had a great job in exactly my field when I graduated. And such has been my life.

Constant luck and things working out for you doesn't seem to be the norm here. Bad things happen more often than they need to here. I feel a bit of the colonialist guilt--why did I get all these advantages through only an accident of birth? But there is no answer.

This post was supposed to be about the random adventures I had in Kochkor-Ata, but I've decided to post about that trip for my first neweurasia.net posting, probably this weekend. I'll like over to it. Short version: I'm totally buds with the deputy director of Kyrgyz Oil and Gas, I'm stuff so full of mutton I may never be the same, and they sure don't get to see a lot of Americans down in Kochkor-Ata. Plus, I want to go back for their sanatorium treatments. They do massages and mineral water baths and other things that they swear will help my back. And I certainly don't see how a week of massages, physical therapy and so on could HURT me, so I may be in for October. I want to stay in the fancy new sanitorium, but that may be beyond my means, in which case the Soviet one said they'd take me, even though I'm not a citizen (they were HORRIFIED when I told my tale of being kicked out of the Turkish hospital for lack of cash).

But how are things with you, my lovelies?

A Post with No Jokes

2009-08-24T08:46:00.002-05:00

I have a bunch of funny stories from my trip to Kochkora-ata, but I wanted to take a separate post to explain the story of my hostess's son, as there is nothing funny about it at all.

When I went on this trip, I knew that my teacher (we will call her Z-eje. "Eje" means elder sister in Kyrgyz and is added to a woman's name as a term of respect, as you would call someone Ms. or Mrs. in the US) had a nephew who died fairly recently, and that she blamed it on medical incompetence. From the vague bits she had told me, I thought he had been ill and died a couple of years ago.

I didn't know precisely who I would be staying with on this trip. There are approximately 73 billion words for various family members in Kyrgyz, spelling out relationships in far more detail than Americans ever use (separate words for a woman married to your elder brother vs younger brother, for example) ,but everyone just says brother and sister all the time. So I knew I was staying either with Z-eje's sister, or her cousin, or her friend, or someone she had met one time somewhere.

It turned out that I was met by many of Z-eje's sisters, most of whom live in Kochkor-Ata, where they were born. They are a family of six girls and a youngest boy. I stayed with T-eje. The first night her daughter was there, but left the next day for Bishkek, leaving me, T-eje, and her son.

I didn't really think anything more about the dead relative, until the second night at dinner T-eje started telling me about her eldest son, who was 31 when he was murdered. He loved to talk to people and read books, and she thinks we would really have gotten along and he would have loved showing me the town. Then she broke down in tears, saying "He was killed in December. I know he's not coming back, but I don't know what else to do but wait for him." I was utterly at a loss ,and am at my worst in emotional situations when a simple human response like a hug or something is called for. Her other son heard that she was upset and came in to hug and soothe her ,and explained to me that there was some kind of mix up and his brother was killed in a Mafia related thing--they don't know the details (or don't discuss them with random houseguests) and two other men were killed that night and the bodies have never been found. He also explained that his mother is what the Soviets would call a "Heroine Mother." After her husband was killed in a car accident when the younger son was 9 months old, she worked every job she could find to keep them fed, housed, educated, and together. She later showed me a picture of her deceased son--he is smiling broadly and joyfully, and she said they all teased him for his ridiculous grin. It's the last picture she has of him.

The next day, another sister, A-eje, took me around again. One of the places we visited with the city hospital, and at this point she mentioned the medical incompetence that Z-eje had hinted at. From their side of the story, the head doctor was on a bender and didn't come in for three days, and they think their son/nephew might have lived had he gotten care in time.

Later in the day, I was in a shop with the director of a daycare center/kindergarten (I'll get to all these stories in a later post) and heard an altercation outside--A-eje was arguing with another woman. I thought nothing of it, but while walking home, A-eje apologized and said she was embarrassed that she had acted that way in front of me. She then very calmly said "Her son killed my nephew." Apparently there is no question about who the murder is, but he ran off to Russia and the question is whether he will ever be extradited to face trial. You had best believe I would have at least some loud words for the mother of any child who dared to hurt a niece or nephew of mine.

So you have a murdered son, an incompetent doctor, and a killer free in Russia. I'm sure the story is murkier even than I know, but the info that I do have all points to utterly senseless tragedy. I had had no idea that this was the case, or I would not so blithely intruded on T-eje's space by essentially inviting myself over. I think due to her mourning schedule, there were a couple of days there that she had to fast for 15 hours, so she would prepare tons of food for me and then watch me eat it. She is a woman clearly destroyed by the loss of her eldest, but pulling herself together for her other children. Her other son was in Russia working at the time of his brother's death, but has come back and started a new job at Kyrgyz Oil and Gas (a very coveted type of job) while I was there, so will be able to stay there.

In addition to this dead child, I learned the next day that A-eje had a daughter who was ill and died when she was 16, also a tragedy, although one that can be thought to make a certain sense. But all these children dying--it happens in the US but is so rare, and so concentrated in less privileged communities that I'm not a part of because of all my white, middle class, and other privilege, that it's really shocking to hear people talk about these as facts of life--tragic, but part of life. Much like A-eje's alcoholic husband who was on a bender and she had to keep going off to tend to him--I feel like an American might try to hide that to a near stranger, but I was there as part of the family now, and it's just the way things are, so why try to hide it.

And despite all this, both women were cheerful and laughed and wonderful to meet. People here are strong, strong in ways I don't know if I can ever match, and they prove it in ways by which I hope I am never tested.

Down with Bureaucracy!

2009-08-24T05:44:00.002-05:00

I spend a lot of time on here complaining about the bureaucratic hassles of life in Kyrgyzstan, but the US is at least as bad, even if at least we can often deal with the hassles from the comfort of pantslessness in front of our computers.

Case in point: My current grant, which ends in a week, is insisting on following a regulation that I'm pretty sure the staffer I'm dealing with is mistakenly applying. This regulation will actually make it cheaper for me to fly back to the US and buy an additional round trip ticket here and home than to just fly home in December. No, seriously. The utter ridicuousness is mindblowing, though I don't think pointing this out has endeared me to this guy too much.

This is the third staffer I've had to deal with in the past 10 months. I'm sure individually they are all lovely, intelligent people who are good at their jobs. But overall I have never had a grant that is so incompetently and stupidly managed. That's just dealing with the US based staff. And I've had a lot of grants--that is pretty much how I get paid. While the one I have now has some prestige factor with people who don't deal a lot with the grants world, it has cost me far more in needless expense, time wasted, and hassle than accepting a different grant would have. Way to go, State Department. I think what upsets me most is the attitude that people seem to have that I should be grateful for this (a person who we are supposed to deal with in country has made some comments, not about me specifically but about grantees in general, to people to whom he shouldn't) funding. I'm as grateful as I am to any employer who compensates me for my work, which is all a grant is. I guess this is what happens when you take money from people who don't deal generally with grad students--maybe non-academics are more grateful for money to do their thing, whereas I'm just more aware of how underfunded and under supported we are compared to pretty much every other experience with funding I've ever had.

Home from Kochkora-Ata (not Jalalabad)

2009-08-23T07:03:00.002-05:00

It's a good thing my teacher just assumed I was too incompetent to get my own taxi, as apparently I would have ended up in the wrong town.

I'm home after a few days in the lovely-ish hamlet of Kochkora-Ata, home of Kyrgyz Oil and Gas and probably the closest thing to a company town I'll ever see. I had lots of random and neat experiences, met some lovely people, and will be sharing stories soon. Most of them are fun and involve things like mutton and wax therapy, but one is a truly harrowing story of the murder of my hostess's son this December. I don't have much experience with murder, so I'm sure it always seems senseless and awful, but this story just feels so perfectly Kyrgyz in the stupidity of the tragedy to me. Right now I need to recover from several days of irregular and unthorough bathing (they only have water a few hours per day) and the long car ride home. Right after I call my teacher to assure her I am alive and well.

Loyal Readers, I Need Your Help

2009-08-18T09:51:00.002-05:00

I've decided to take the opportunity to do some blogging over at neweurasia.net. It could turn into a time suck, but I think the chance that it could help focus me and expose me to new ideas is the more probable. The issue is, they would like me to commit to posting twice per week. I'll be writing about life as an expat and about health and health care. It's a news organization, so the writing needs to be professional, or at least more professional than what I do here, although the guidelines seem pretty wide.

So, what I am asking you for, and especially I'm asking those of you who have mentioned you'd like to hear more about my research:

What are some good topics for a large audience of people interested in the region, but not necessarily gender and health?

What kind of things would you want to see covered? Do you think I could do a good job covering?

You probably have no idea what posts you'd like to see on a blog dedicated to news of Eurasia, but imagine. If I'm going to take up my time and their time plus bandwidth, I need to come up with some worthwhile ideas.

I head to Jalalabad early in the morning, and hope to return to lots of (any) ideas you may have for me. Which reminds me, I should charge my camera.

HeadDesk

2009-08-18T02:08:00.003-05:00

Yes, we have moved on from the "T struggles with lighting fixtures" portion of this blog to the part where I whine endlessly about the bureaucracy fighting to keep me from my mail. Read the prior post first.

So, I called a cab, which could only take me part way because of construction. I knew this, because the street in front of the clinic was torn up and only accessible by climbing through piles of dirt and stone the last time I was there, but the destruction has spread, so that several city blocks were a desert wasteland of rocks, holes, muck, filth, etc. I got totally lost and there was no one around to ask for help, since the ongoing "construction" is limited to a couple of abandoned trucks sitting in the middle of this mess. I wandered into a gravel paved cul de sac and had a (verbal) fight with a probably rabid stray dog before someone stuck her head out of her house to ask what the hell I was doing and pointed me back in the right direction. It literally took me an hour of walking around to find the clinic that I have been to twice before. At one point I was trying to call them to make sure they hadn't somehow moved and, distracted, I stepped in a hole full of muck, covering my right leg half way to the knee with a glop I don't want to think about too closely.

Once I actually got to the clinic, everything proceeded mostly smoothly. The doctor was appalled by the list of drugs (Americans take a lot more than other people in general, and I'm kind of a special case. I also think that people find the difference between my appearance, which is that of a fairly healthy person, with the list of meds I take jarring) but amenable to helping me out, and told me I can come back any time. I proceeded on my way to DHL, where . . .

. . . They could not find my package. I was there for 45 minutes of them minutely examining my prescriptions, photocopying my documents, and hunting for the package that they had called me about twice already today. They did finally produce it, and I got to come home and wash my filthy, filthy legs (I'm saving a really good, thorough shower for tonight, because I have no idea when the next one will happen--i wouldn't imagine that Jalalabad has much hot water at the moment). As I arrived home, naturally enough, there was a notice from DHL from when they had come by earlier that morning. To bring me my package. The one I needed to crawl over rocks for. Except that really I actually didn't.

Curses, DHL!!!

2009-08-17T23:16:00.002-05:00

I was lying in bed this morning, contemplating getting out of it and starting my day, when my phone rang. It was DHL, telling me I had a package waiting and asking if I wanted it dropped off. I gleefully jumped out of bed and replied yes, and started thinking what to do with the extra time that not having to go to the doctor gives me. I had a bad night, so the day started off slowly, but I had finally brewed my coffee and decided on a thorough cleaning of the kitchen as the place to start, as it has been relatively unused for weeks and I need to bake today. I need to get some writing done, but thought a bit of cleaning might warm me up for it.

Then my old nemesis, the customs lady at DHL (a woman I'm sure is lovely and is just doing her job, but seriously ruins my life on a bimonthly basis), called, asking for my doctor's not. Gah. Foiled again. The doctor's office is not picking up. I leave town for a few days tomorrow, so it will be a week or so before I can get the drugs if I don't get them today, and I'm out of some of the ones I need. Given that I will be traveling far and sleeping on the floor, this is bad. I am suddenly much more tired than I was before.

Oooh! Just got through, and the doctor will be there for two more hours. It would take me over half an hour to walk, so it looks like I'm cabbing it.

I should note: I am not opposed to following the laws of the country in which I am a resident. I understand that customs regulations are important. I find it inconvenient but cheering that the doctors I seem to meet are not corrupt and out for a bribe, and so want to know as much as they can about my medical history. I just wish they didn't make it so damn hard to do everything the proper way.

Why This Dissertation Will Never Be Done

2009-08-17T06:32:00.003-05:00

In what is about to be a very lengthy post, I am going to give you a detailed description of a not atypical day here in Kyrgyzstan. It is 5:30 at night, I am sweaty, exhausted, jacked up on more sugar than I'm allowed to have in a week, and want nothing more than a massage, some decent pain killers, and a comfortable bed (I'm about to go 0 for 3 on those desires). Here's how my day went:

I was supposed to be at AUCA at 9 to hand in some documents and pictures. Now all of you with real jobs and children and so on will just go "Pffftttt" but I find it damned hard to get out of bed before 8:30, and so usually I don't. I managed to haul myself out of bed, have half a cup of coffee and a slice of cold pizza, but didn't get on the road until about 9:15.

Then I had to go to the kiosk on the way to AUCA to get copies of my passport and 4 passport pictures. First, the kiosk wasn't opened. They guy who runs it showed up as I was considering my next best option, and promptly proceeded to jam the copier. Then he printed copies of the picture from my passport, as opposed to new passport pictures. I got to AUCA around 10 and couldn't figure out where to go.

So I went to find my Kyrgyz teacher, who was supposed to be in the office all day. Basically, for my funding, I need to be registered for 9 credit hours, so that my teacher can get paid and there is a paper trail when my university reports to the government. This has nothing to do with what I actually have to do. But explaining this to AUCA was a futile task. I was there until noon, being shuttled between offices, having to fill out an application on which they asked for proof of my graduation from HIGH SCHOOL, having ID pictures taken, and I am still not registered. I ended up leaving the paperwork for my teacher to talk over with her dept head, so when I go back on Wednesday I can maybe find out how much they want to be paid. The thing is, they want to be paid very little, given how much money is available to pay them. And yet I spent nearly three hours trying to give away someone else's money, and I failed utterly.

In the midst of this, I called the doctor I need to see for a note for my meds to find out if she was holding office hours today. This is because the clinic will not let me make an appointment. The secretary told me that the doctor had gone out. I asked if she would be there in the afternoon. The secretary wanted to know what this was all about, so I explained that I had tried to make an appointment but they won't let me, so I just want to know when I can come and sit around and wait to see her. She thought for a moment, and replied that no, I couldn't make an appointment, but she really didn't know about today, so I should call tomorrow morning and try again.

I had made tentative plans yesterday to have lunch with a friend, we'll call her Friend A today, so I tried to confirm. On my way home, I got a text from a number I didn't recognize asking if I wanted to meet for lunch at 1. I agreed but tried to confirm her identity. Turns out it was Friend B. We tried to set up a meeting place via phone, but her battery died, so she had to call back on Friend C's phone, as they were both at the archives, located right by AUCA, where I had just been.

I got home, briefly checked my email and Facebook, and got into a chat with one of my best friends from elementary/high school days. Just when we got into more than hi how are you kind of stuff, I had to leave, because I had to go the long way to meet my friend for lunch, because I had to pay rent. I was paying for two months, so my ATM limit meant going on two separate days. The ATM I went to would only let me take out $200, so I went to lunch at 1.

I spent all weekend eating, so I had a banana milkshake and some iced tea for lunch. We sat for two hours, most of which was spent by me pissing and moaning about how I never get anything done. On the way home, I stopped by the ATM. It had no dollars. I went to the next. It had no dollars. So I had to go extra out of my way to yet a third ATM to get the additional $100 I needed. I stopped by my landlady's office, where she was too busy to write me a receipt, and then I went to the pharmacy, to the dairy store to buy my favorite juice, and to the other store that has a kiosk for me to pay for internet. I crawled up the stairs, got my sandals off and the juice in the fridge,

just in time to get a call from Friend A who really wanted to meet up. I thought for a moment and realized it was better to do it today since tomorrow will hopefully be taken up by seeing the doctor and making baked goods for my Jalalabad hosts, so put back on my sweat-soaked sandals which had not yet dried but had gotten nice and cold and clammy.

We met on the corner, went to the park, and had an impassioned conversation about Poland, Jews, WWII, the Pope, and why America has suddenly lost its mother loving mind (seriously, reading the news from outside the country, you all just sound CRAZY), and then I left her to go on to her next meeting and dragged my worn out self home.

I'm here, my contacts are out, I'm drinking water that I took out of the refrigerator to melt this morning so is nice and cold. I got one message asking me to quickly whip up an abstract so I can get on the schedule to give a talk on my research at the Social Research Center at AUCA this fall, and another asking if I can commit to posting twice a week on neweurasia.net. Both of these are things I would really like to do: the talk will be fun, but at the moment I don't actually have the research on which I can give a talk, and the blogging will be fun and also force me to think about things here a bit more rigorously than I bother to do for you folks. That's right, you get my dregs. Maybe if someone had ever sent me Pride and Prejudice and Zombies I'd have a bit more love for you.

But you see my dilemma. This was actually a good day for me. I didn't lie in bed thinking I might die if I ever had to move, but that if I didn't make it to the painkillers I also might die. I didn't get distracted by the moving pictures on my computer screen and come to six hours later in a pool of my own spit. And, granted, much of my day was spent socializing, when I would usually waste that time on my own. But all I wanted to do today was register, get a doctor's note, and pay my rent and IT COULD NOT BE DONE. So the idea of actually, you know, getting the stuff I need done for my dissertation, which is a bit harder than navigating bureaucracy, makes me want to curl up in a ball and listen to the Mountain Goats all day.

Yes, I know other people get their work done all the time. They're better than I am. Also, MRC, know that I could not have gotten through this day without your gift of a replacement iPod.

PS. I had just posted this when "Planeta Liubov'" came on my iTunes shuffle, and that song makes everything better. So nevermind, I will totally be able to do everything I need to get done.
On to Jalalabad!

Not Dead Yet

2009-08-15T14:21:00.002-05:00

For the past few years, "managing my health" has been a big part of my life. This means accepting the crazy stuff going on with my body and trying to take care of myself in ways to mitigate the effects of various chronic and acute illnesses. It's also a pain in my ass. Having to always be conscious of every move I make, measuring out my energy in dribs and drabs and trying to hoard the moments of feeling OK makes it all seem like another full time job. It's thoroughly joyless to have to spend every moment thinking, "OK, if I eat this tomato, will I bring on a headache? If I have a glass of wine with dinner, will that spiral into sleeplessness that lasts for a day and a half and costs me another day and a half to get back to normal?"

It's also the responsible way to live when one is chronically ill. I don't get to have the illusion that one day there will be a cure and all this will go away, so living my life around illness is the best compromise there is, and it's one I'm generally OK with.

But sometimes I still need to rebel a little bit. I feel good this week. The weather is conspiring to make me feel my best. Work is going well. And I have just been doing what I want and not worrying about the consequences until I have to deal with it. The truth is, my back is going to hurt tomorrow whether or not I got out dancing tonight, so maybe sometimes I should just go dancing and deal with the pain that results.

Yeah, I totally went dancing tonight. Can you tell? I had dinner at a friend's house, and when another member of the party went to meet friends at a club where they have actual live music, I ignored the instincts telling me to go home, that the three hours I had spent with others had worn me out enough and I needed to get in bed with a book and recharge. Instead I went, I did a shot of tequlia, and I danced my ass off to a band of middle aged Kyrgyzstanis, one of whom I want to adopt as my new Grandpa (despite him being probably, like, 40, given how guessing people's ages goes here).

I still consumed alcohol responsibly and left shortly after midnight so I can get a good night's sleep. I didn't overdo it. And the night would have been worthless had I started out feeling poorly and then pushed it. The point is that maybe I need to accept that most things I think are fun and involve other people have bad consequences for me, but that occasionally those consequences are worth it.

But I'll let you know tomorrow when the muscle pain has settled in and I can barely get out of bed.

Four Months and Counting

2009-08-15T02:09:00.002-05:00

It has now been over four months since anyone stole anything from me. Unless you count the hospital in Istanbul that wouldn't let me in until I paid $1000 and then wouldn't let me out until I paid more than that again. But in seriously exciting news, it looks like my insurance company has actually issued checks for all the nonsense that went down in May. They have not actually made their way into my bank account yet, but supposedly they are in the mail. And let me tell you, when you make what I do, having your money stolen, and then having all your stuff stolen, and then paying thousands of dollars in hospital bills in cash is a really great way to not have any money. At all. Just in case any of you wanted to try that for a bit. Plus, if you do it my way instead of just giving all your money away to charity or something, you get the extra fun of a stalker, intense pain, and communicating your health history in a language you do not speak (Turkish, in my case).

The most exciting part? With this money, I actually have the money to buy my ticket home. So I will indeed be arriving in December as expected, and not moving off the grid to live visa-less and eke out a living as a cucumber grower in the south, unable to ever leave the country or get a legal job due to my documentless state. Merry Christmas!

A Streak of Luck That Will Obviously Now Be Broken

2009-08-14T08:46:00.003-05:00

Man, but I had a good week. I'm exhausted. I accomplished actual things, and I socially interacted with people, and even got a haircut and a mani/pedi (there's a mid-range salon right next to my house, and all three of those together cost about $15). Yeah, now I'm tired. But I even have a plan for what to get done this weekend and next week. It's really nice to finally be at a phase where when I say I'm working, people might actually believe me, because there are results of a sort.

But that is not the point of this post. The point is something I have been pondering ever since it came up over dinner and rugby watching with a friend last weekend (Rugby:Surprisingly Awesome! The speed of soccer and the violence of football=good times). I have now been traveling in the former Soviet Union for close to a decade, and I have never, ever, had the slightest problem with the police.

The police in the FSU are legendary for hassling foreigners. Before I ever went to Moscow on my first study abroad trip, we were warned repeatedly that we would be stopped and how to handle it. The police make crap money, and this is generally a way to shake the foreigners down for a few rubles/som/tenge whatever.

This has never happened to me. Ever. Which I didn't realize was all that unusual, until my friend, a woman, said "Yeah, I don't get too much trouble with the police. I've just been stopped a few times for document checks and yelled at them that I work at the embassy so they would leave me alone). I have been in taxis that have been stopped for driver violations, and I have had to stop at document checks (in 2006 along the road to Osh near the Uzbek border they stopped everyone, made everyone show documents and get out of the car, supposedly looking for terrorists). But I have never on my own been stopped for any reason.

Not only have I never been actively hassled, I have actually had positive experiences with the cops. The first time my house was broken into the whole thing practically turned into a damn party! The second time everyone was more serious and there were more guns waved around, but everyone was still very sympathetic and professional. Once, while jaywalking in Tajikistan, I was stopped by a cop, and cursed, thinking he wanted a bribe, since I was technically breaking the law. But no, he simply wanted to stop traffic on the main street so I could cross at my leisure. He then complimented the beauty of my flower-like face.

My totally based on nothing theory is that this is all because I'm a woman. Up until fairly recently, most of the foreigners in the region have been men. I figure that the cops see these men, most of whom have far more money and power than they, get annoyed, and hassle them to try to get a bit of their own back. But this theory doesn't explain how it's apparently common for women to get asked for documents, too. I must look particularly non-threatening.

So, yeah. That's a whole lot of words to ponder something so small. And you just know that tomorrow I'm going to get arrested by special forces and they will find a kilo of heroin planted in my bag or something, and then I will call one of you in hysterics in a Kyrgyz prison. I just think it's odd.

Jalalabat

2009-08-14T01:14:00.002-05:00

I'm off to Jalalabat, a city in Western Kyrgyzstan near the Uzbek border, on Wednesday. I may or may not go on to Osh, depending on what I hear back from people. The whole thing is kind of random--my teacher is sending me to her relatives, who have tons of contacts in the local sanatorium and surrounding villages (and Jbat counts as the south, pretty much, in the strong N/S regional divide here), and I'm just going to be poking around and seeing who I meet. It could be really valuable, or it could be a total waste of time, but at least I'll get to say I've been to Jbat. In the past I've only driven through. It's about an 8 or 9 hour drive on a good road, and I may even remember to bring my camera with which to provide you all with pictures of the lovely Kyrgyz scenery.

The View from Over Here

2009-08-12T07:46:00.002-05:00

OK, what, precisely, is going on in the U.S. right now? It's easy to get disconnected from the homefront while living abroad, but I stay pretty well informed due to my obsessive blog reading. And from what I've read, it sounds like militia enrollment is skyrocketing, because trueblood Americans have to mobilize to fight the fascist Nazis who want to give people healthcare as a way of secretly deciding to euthanize them. And that I should be scared to come home because Obama literally wants to take away my freedom and then kill me, and my non-existent babies too. Like, personally, with his own hands, so then he can laugh about how he is one step closer to fulfilling his secret Kenyan/Muslim/Hitler loving plans.

What have you all been doing over there?

Also, I am totally awesome at karaoke. And by "awesome" I of course mean, loud, off-key, not committed to actually knowing the song before I sing, and willing to "dance" during instrumental breaks, despite being in a karaoke club where most people just sit at their own table. There is apparently video of three of us shrieking "Livin on a Prayer" to a nearly empty room (we left immediately after, likely saving ourselves from being ejected by management to save the sanity of the rest of the patrons). For some reason the shooter of this video thinks we wouldn't want it posted on, say, Facebook. I can't imagine why. My willingness to hop around in my three inch heels and too-tight skirt (I grabbed the wrong denim skirt when the cab came last night, ensuring I spent the evening looking like a sex worker unable to dress for her body type) while randomly shouting words, throwing my arms around, and screaming "Whooa" while making emphatic gestures is pretty much the best I have to offer the world.

At Long Last

2009-08-11T16:46:00.002-05:00

I may finally have some of those crazy stories that people seem to expect of expats. Don't get too excited, they are pretty low on the crazy scale, but I think I have spent more time talking to people in the past week than I have in the past two months. So at some point when I am not trying really hard to fall asleep before 4 AM, I will tell you all about foreigner parties, my newfound love of rugby as a spectator sport, and how I may well be the Karaoke Queen of Bishkek. I'm at the very least in contention for this imaginary title. Apparently video of me as part of a trio on "Don't Stop Believing" and "Living on a Prayer" exists, and also I have been told that I do not want said footage to exist. But I believe that the entire point of karaoke, and that which makes it so glorious, is to make as gigantic an ass of oneself as one can in the span of a few hours. And by that metric, I have only successes to look back on.

Are Things Starting to Happen?

2009-08-11T01:08:00.002-05:00

I don't want to speak too soon, but things that have been slowly building seem to almost be about ready to . . . go somewhere.

I had lunch with my Kyrgyz teacher yesterday. She's a nut, but one of the loveliest ones I've ever met. And she owns me body and soul as of August 24.

There's a clinic in a village about 40 minute outside of Bishkek where the head doctor is really excited to meet with me and see if we can work it out for them to be one of my main sites.

My RA is going on vacation and will be stopping some places that we wanted to get informal reports from, so she's all gung ho on me giving her an outline for questions and gathering some data while on vacation.

I'm still working out my trip to Osh, and the people I need to talk to here before that can happen are still on vacation (everyone is on vacation, and vacations typically last at least a month), but I may head down there anyway. My teacher is related to a guy who works for a bank doing microcredit stuff in Jalalabat Oblast, and so knows all the villages in his area of work and is willing to take me around and introduce me. This is far and away the best way to get to know people in Kyrgyzstan, especially rural Kyrgyzstan. And Jalalabat is on the way to Osh, so it will be all efficient and stuff. And in Osh I know someone who knows a prof at the med institute who is really excited to meet me and start taking me around.

None of this sounds like much, of course, but to me it represents part of the work I've put in starting to bear fruit, so we'll see where all this goes. It's very easy to be part of a big name group and get people to answer your questions as such, but the point of my living here so long is to give me the opportunity to become a bit less of an outsider, and it's just a basic truth that people accept here that a friend of a friend is your friend, while a sociologist wandering around on her own is someone to whom you should be polite.

Just Saying

2009-08-10T00:01:00.002-05:00

If someone among my loyal readers were to for some reason have extra or be able to find cheap to free DVDs of the first two seasons of Mad Men and decide for some reason to send them to me, it would not be the worst thing that had ever happened to me. I wouldn't hold a grudge or anything, I promise.

Putin Among the Unicorns

2009-08-09T09:33:00.001-05:00

If you enjoyed that time that Putin got a baby tiger for his birthday, clink on this link immediately. Also be sure the check out the last link in that article. It's priceless. And true!

The Sublime Beauty of Low Expectations

2009-08-06T22:27:00.003-05:00

It's 9:30 in the morning, and I've already set up a meeting with my Kyrgyz teacher to get stuff sorted out for the fall, badgered the receptionist at the Hospital Association to take my information so someone will call me back (no one will call me back and we'll try again next week), and am hunting down the changed number for the Family Group Practice Association. I've already accomplished enough today to make it count as one of my good days. Which is the tragedy of my life, but we're focusing on the positive here. I even got out of bed at a reasonable hour, which I find much more difficult than it should be--usually at 9 I'm still trying to find excuses to stay in bed even longer, but I was up and dressed and enjoying a cup of coffee by 7:30 today, which is as it should be every day.

So, yes, by doing the bare minimum to act in a productive and professional way I have managed to please myself, which will make me giddy all day long. When you spend most of your time screwing up like you get paid for it, these brief moments of semi-competence seem all the more precious.

Why I Will Continue to Use Anti-Aging Moisturizers of Dubious Value

2009-08-06T14:04:00.002-05:00

Today was a weird day. It ended at a foreigner party. Those are the words my friend used to describe it, which got me thinking about the nature of "foreignness." I mean, it could have been a bunch of Americans, and it would have been foreign. Or it could have been all locals, but foreign to her and me, as she is Polish and I am American. But really it was just a quick way to convey that a bunch of people of a bunch of different nationalities were gathering at her new flat and she would like me to come.

It was a lovely affair overall, but the best was when in the midst of a conversation with a nice young German he mentioned something about how impressive it is for me to be so young and already doing a PhD. (It's not. I am too old to ever be young to do something). I made a joke about it not feeling like it, so he asked me my age. When I told him that I'm 30, he literally did a spit take into his drink, which is not something I had actually seen before. He was really shocked, as he had thought I was at most 24.

This is one of the few areas where American women come out on top while traveling abroad--everyone is quick to tell us how comparatively unattractive, unfeminine, and generally unappealing we are, in comparison with local women, but us? We age well. Very well. So keep drinking that water, my ugly, unfeminine, and probably not very nice American sisters. You'll be able to trick some unsuspecting man that you have viable ovaries long past your sell by date. And I will start lying about my age, since I'm pretty well convinced at this point that I can get away with it, at least here.

It's All Just Too Tragic

2009-08-05T10:01:00.002-05:00

My lamp wars have been absent from these pages for a short time at least, but don't let that fool you into thinking that they are over and I can see in every room of my apartment. Last Friday, I won a crucial victory when I returned light to the living room, where I have been typing in the dark for months. The living room features a very high chandelier that requires bulbs approximately the size of Christmas tree lights. Two bits of wire extend from each bulb and have to be slotted into the correct holes in the lighting fixture.

I got the rickety ladder back from my landlady, and moved all the furniture around so that if I did fall off while attempting to change the bulbs I wouldn't hit my head on any sharp corners. I then balanced on the very highest step, reached out my arms, and was just able to get hold of one of the branches. After quite a bit of trial and error, I managed to change two bulbs, and wonder of wonders, one of them worked. I had light in the living room! Everything had changed. I could work there, read, write, all of those things that I've been doing from my bed or with my face inches from a screen.

Then, Sunday afternoon, the bulb went out. With it, it took much of my will to continue fighting the good fight. How can I ever win when all the light bulbs are against me? I have to go back to the building bazaar to even get more of these special bulbs, so trying again will involve a massive cross town treck (it's really only a big deal because I hate marshrutkas and there isn't one that goes direct, I'm too cheap to pay for a cab for something so stupid in the daylight, and it is too damn hot to be walking for miles in the middle of the day) as well as another death defying feat of balance (and the continued non-collapse of the ladder, which is not something I would care to be on, were I a betting woman).

And all of this doesn't even get into the part of the floor lamp in the bedroom that exploded the other night.

Road Trip!

2009-08-03T11:05:00.002-05:00

No, not to anywhere in Kyrgyzstan. That would make sense and imply that my dissertation is moving in a forward direction. Hah!

Nope, the title refers to my parents informing me of my 2009 Christmas present this evening: they are planning a trip down to TX in January to help me settle into my new digs, wherever they may be (I sincerely hope on the same block as my most recent apartment, though with different landlords). Upon determining that they plan to drive, as they generally do for most travel, my immediate response was along the lines of "Sweet! I'll come with and save myself $200 on a plane ticket!"

It will be just like a camping trip from days of yore (well, the drives to the camping trips. We won't actually be camping. I don't think). I never learned to drive, so I can't contribute in any meaningful way, so I'll spend two days in the back of the car making annoying requests to turn up the music and arguing about where we are going to eat.

I have to give my parents credit on this: they've learned by now that I am sure to have some sort of crisis that interrupts my ability to move sanely that they'll have to come help me out with anyway (examples include emergency dental surgery the day before my MI to TX move in 2004 and the kidney hospitalization prior to my in-Pittsburgh move of 2001), so this way they've pre-empted whatever disaster I decide to throw at them AND saved themselves the hassle of trying to figure out what to get me that won't just add to the massive amount of clutter I cart around with me on every move. So in a way, they're even thinking ahead to the next next move, presumably in summer 2011. Man, I had better get a relocation package from wherever I'm hired. I was going to ask for a Microplaner, but this is way better.

Computer Woes

2009-08-01T08:04:00.002-05:00

I was thrilled this morning when my internet connection was repaired after being out for most of the week. Then I found out that the report I thought submitted had been rejected because I left a blank instead of filling in a zero, so had to resubmit and still don't know when I'm getting paid for August. Clearly not on August 1.

Then, my computer started acting really weird. I ran out of money on my internet account, which I thought was odd, but I figured I had forgotten how much I really had left. So I went to the store and put in about $30. When I got back to the house, it was somehow $15 in the account. I tried calling the company repeatedly, and was getting all kinds of pop up ads. Then the account ran out of money again. I finally got through, and they figured out that I have some kind of virus that sends a lot of data online, using up all my traffic quota and leaving me out a total of about $60.

So then I went back to the store and paid another $20 (this is a whole other thing, because when I get dollars out of the ATM they get changed into 1000 som notes, which the machines don't take ,and they only take 500 notes when they feel like it, and no one here will give you change, so you have to buy something, and no way can you pay for, say, a 22 som bottle of water with a 1000 som note, so it has to be a substantial enough purchase, and so on) and got online with my laptop to download anti-virus software that makes sense, so I can delete the stuff the owners have and use a product I know works.

Then, after 5 minutes online, I got kicked off AGAIN. Thinking this was another "a virus ate your money" thing, I was in a fighting mood when I finally got through to the company yet again, but this turned out to be a simple fix.

But yeah, I spent my entire day and approximately 1/4 of my remaining cash dealing with internet woes. Oh, Kyrgyzstan. And don't even get me started on the $70 I spent mailing documents to my insurance company yesterday because FedEx and DHL are the only way to guarantee deliver, even though the USPS can guarantee delivery here.

Unpleasant Reminder

2009-08-01T00:09:00.002-05:00

First, I'm enjoying my return to the world of home internet after almost a week without the luxury (and for the price I pay, it is most certainly a luxury good. My internet bill rivals my rent, while all my other utilities COMBINED come to a grand total of $15-$18/month). So yay! Now I'm back to wasting money AND time as I try to catch up in Google Reader! That 1000+ sign always gets me, and I just have to read enough to get below 1000 waiting articles. 996 is OK, over 1000 is not.

Anyway, after days of only sketchy email checking I looked over my school account, and it is chock full of announcements and calls for proposals and so on. Many of them are for jobs and post doc positions, but I got a little rumble in my tummy when I realized that some apply to me, and if I want to have funding for my last year of study, I need to get applying. Since I am staying 6 years at UT, the department is not legally obligated to fund me in my last year (I had a 5 year guarantee). I would like to think they will anyway, as I only used one year of their funding and have otherwise brought in my own grants, so that at least I can be sure of a TA spot. But who knows. So this fall, while frantically trying to finish up here and not have a physical breakdown, I also get to do the begging for money thing. Which will be especially difficult, given what FANTASTIC results I've had here so far. I've really made good use of my time with all those break ins and hospital episodes and fibro flareups and so on.

But this is pretty much the life I signed up for. Once I have a job, if I have a job, I'll still be responsible for bringing in grants to fund my work. So every year, hand out, begging for just enough money to keep going until the next year.

The whole cycle is looking less and less appealing. Based on no research or knowledge, I've decided the international system has to be better, so I'm now planning on finding a job at some international university. In Florence. That wants English-speaking sociologists of health for some reason. Yeah, I'm reading The Agony and the Ecstasy and just like everytime I read something having to do with Italy, I'm planning my move already. Any ideas on how I can make this work? Maybe I can convince some grant board that I absolutely must be in Florence to finish writing my dissertation because . . . yeah, there is no reason. None whatsoever. Should have thought this thing through: some of my international researcher friends party like crazy in Brazil. I sweat in Kyrgyzstan.

Boo, Ben, Boo

2009-07-27T12:06:00.002-05:00

Not much info is out, I suppose, and of course everyone is innocent until proven guilty, but this story about rape allegations against everybody's favorite (well, my favorite) QB Ben Roethlisberger. Celebrity rape trials are always such insanity: in regular rape trials, I have a strong bias in favor of the plaintiff, because the process is so intense and degrading for victims that it's hard to imagine anyone going through it for fun or whatever. I still think all that applies in cases like this, but the addition to lots and lots of money to the mix does provide some weird perverse incentives. Overall, just yuck. Rooting for the Steelers may not be as much fun this year.

What Am I Missing?

2009-07-27T10:19:00.002-05:00

Readers, I need your help. A woman my little sister works with is from Kyrgyzstan and is returning to Bishkek in September. Most generously, she is willing to bring a small package for me. I've pretty much hit the limit on how much it's OK to ask a stranger to lug around for you with my requests already, but let me know things I may have left out and can't live without until December in the comments.

I am far more excited about getting stuff than I should be. But packages when you live far away from home are a very nice thing. So far, I've requested:

decaf coffee
a camping filter (since I lost mine in the move and have been using a funnel since)
paper filters to go inside
some red tea
some decaf black flavored tea
some racerback bras

I figure these are things that are light and can mostly be folded into a small package, aside from the coffee maker thing. I wouldn't want to add any bulk, but if you can think of anything I really want but can't remember because it has been to darn long since I lived someplace it is easily available, let me know, and I can rearrange.